


Inner Steps

by incorrect19days, orphan_account



Series: Preppy Days [1]
Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - High School, Blow Jobs, Childhood Friends, Divorced parents, First Crush, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time Blow Jobs, Full of Tropes, High School, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, My First Work in This Fandom, Slow Burn, Swearing, avoidable sex scene, mature in later scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:21:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 22,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9309299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incorrect19days/pseuds/incorrect19days, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: They’d all seen him, standing outside the gates. His lack of uniform made his presence obvious in the first place, and the intense glare as he moved the cigarette to and from his mouth in his balled up fist turned that presence into an unspoken threat.





	1. Friday the 10th

‘He’s there again,’

Jian Yi barely moved as he answered. ‘Who?’

'You know exactly who I mean. Don’t play dumb.’

Jian Yi peered out from behind the text book, and looked over his glasses at He Tian.

'I really have no idea what you’re talking about.’

He Tian snorted, and stood. 'Yeah whatever.’ He turned to the red haired boy sitting nearby. 'Can you hear this bullshit?’

The librarian loudly shushed him. Mo Guan Shan breathed a sigh of relief at not having to answer.

They’d all seen him, standing outside the gates. His lack of uniform made his presence obvious in the first place, and the intense glare as he moved the cigarette to and from his mouth in his balled up fist turned that presence into an unspoken threat.

The first day it happened, there was little acknowledgement in anyone’s mind, but five days in a row makes something noticeable.

Jian Yi peered around the book again, this time glancing through the window.

Of course he’d seen him; how could he not? The first day he turned up, he knew it was the same boy he’d seen watching him in the book shop. What he didn’t understand exactly was why he was here at his school.

He didn’t think he’d done anything to anger him. They were in different areas of the shop, at least to start with, Jian Yi in the astronomy section, and the taller, darker haired boy flicking through the art books.

Eventually, Jian Yi had an inexplicable feeling he was being watched, a creeping heat on the back of his neck.

He turned, and found himself locking eyes with someone wearing green, piercings all the way up both ears, and an expression like he had manure under his nostrils.

As the top student at the private school he attended, Jian Yi was used to people looking at him in this way, and he knew exactly how to deal with it; quickly look down, and walk away before they thought he was spoiling for a fight. Usually they would laugh, 'yeah I thought so,’ and he’d be safe from getting beaten for another day.

The bell on the door rang as he left, and he chanced a look back over his shoulder to check he was safe.

The boy was still staring straight at him, a bandaged thumb smoothing across his bottom lip in thought.

'Fuck,’ thought Jian Yi, and picked up the pace, getting as far away from the area as quickly as he possibly could.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapters are my jam
> 
> Here's the [original artwork](http://pesky33.tumblr.com/post/155296945243/preppy-19-days-boys-altogether-thanks-to) which inspired me to write this fic


	2. Monday the 13th

‘So, are you admitting you noticed him yet?’

Mo Guan Shan sniggered while still bent over his homework, He Tian smirking at how he’d made his taciturn classmate finally crack a smile.

‘I told you last week, I don’t know what you mean.’

It was now the following Monday, and Jian Yi could still see the pierced stranger out of the corner of his eye. He stood by the gate, looking at everyone as they left, leaning lazily on the handlebars of his bike.

'I wonder what he’s doing,’ said Mo Guan Shan, finally joining in with the conversation.

'It speaks! Jesus, I thought you’d never show any interest.’

'It’s hard to not hear you talking non stop about it, dude.’

Jian Yi slammed the book down, eliciting a tut from the librarian. 'Will you two losers just get on with this project please? It’s due in next week.’

'You’re the one distracted by cardigan boy over there,’ He Tian teased, 'you think I haven’t noticed you peeking at him?’

'Maybe if you kept your eyes on your books instead of watching me, we’d be done by now.’

Mo Guan Shan huffed, causing He Tian to turn and ask what was wrong. He received a shrug in response, with no eye contact. Interesting…

Jian Yi had returned to the book shop two days before. Last weekend, he’d been hounded out of the shop, before even buying the book he was looking for, and he wasn’t going to let that happen again.

He glided up towards the entrance, one foot on a pedal, and chained his bike next to another right outside the door. He sneered a little at the grotty mountain bike, sitting next to his own, and then went in.

Heading straight for the astronomy books, he found what he was looking for, and quickly went to the counter. He had no intention of hanging around longer than he had to; if some yob had a vendetta against him, he didn’t want to have to deal with it until absolutely necessary.

As he got to the door to get back to his bike, he stopped.

'Shit.’

That pierced idiot was standing right by the fence he chained his racing bike to, looking intently at it.

He was glued to the spot; he didn’t want anything to happen to the bike, but he also didn’t want to face this unknown entity.

Self preservation kicked in, and ducking behind a shelf, he decided to just watch, expecting the worst.

However, he watched in amazement as the other boy simply touched the bike seat; he ran one elegant finger tip the length of the seat, and Jian Yi was sure he caught a whisper of a smile.

He then unchained the mountain bike next to it, slung a leg over, and rode off.

Jian Yi ran out of the shop towards his bike, checking for any damage or meddling; but the bike was just as he’d left it.

He looked out towards the road where the mountain bike had gone, but saw nothing. He looked back at his own bike, inspecting the seat, the gears, anything that could be tampered with.

He gingerly straddled the seat, looking at the chain one last time, and pushed off.

Just what the fuck had that dickhead been doing to his bike?

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided for ease of writing to make their school in England. It's a while since I was at school, so this is a kind of mish mash of what I remember and what I've found on google.


	3. Friday the 17th

'It has to be in on Monday! Jian Yi, where's that diagram you were meant to do?'

He searched through his bag, already knowing it wasn’t in there. Maybe if he gave enough of a show, they'd believe what was coming next.

'Shit, I must have left it at home.'

'It is done though, right?'

Jian Yi nodded, avoiding their eyes. He hadn’t even started. He'd always had trouble drawing anything; his skills lay more in analysis, mathematics, and physics, his lecture notes an untidy scrawl as his hands struggle to keep up with his brain.

He finally looked up to see Mo Guan Shan looking at him, questioning.

'I'm going to ask again. It's done, right?'

He can lie to He Tian, but he can never lie to his other friend. He looked down in embarrassment, and merely shook his head.

'Gah!' He Tian loudly exhaled, causing the usual shush from the librarian. She really loathes these three.

'I'll start now. Sorry.'

Mo Guan Shan moved seats into the one next to Jian Yi, and passed over a piece of paper. There was a crude outline drawn onto it, and Jian Yi immediately recognised it as what he should have been drawing.

'Here. All you need to do is make it presentable.'

Looking up, he wasn't sure why this was happening, but he was so grateful. 'Thanks,' is all that came out.

He hadn't been able to concentrate all week. Him and the rest of his school year had reached a begrudging truce over the years; these days, they generally left him alone.

There was a time he would get slapped around regularly, but since he reached the sixth form, it was like everything reset. The boys who bullied him the most didn't stay on and do A levels, and the ones who stayed knew that although he was intelligent, he was also good for a laugh.

But this mountain bike boy - him hanging around was making him nervous. There was a shadow of a threat all day at school, and even though he's never been there when he's left the library, Jian Yi knew it was only a matter of time until their paths crossed.

What did he want from him?

There could be any number of reasons he was waiting outside the school, of course. Maybe he had a friend here, a girlfriend even.

But still, remembering the bike incident gave him a shiver in his spine. He didn't usually understand people, but through years of practice, he knew when he was being targeted.

He looked up from the diagram he's outlining in fine black pen, and searched the gate.

'He's not there.'

He Tian spoke for the first time, without looking up.

'Eh?'

'Cardigan boy. He's not there.'

Jian Yi stretched his hand. 'I wasn't looking for him, my hand just aches from drawing.'

'He wasn't there yesterday either.'

Now he was really confused. How didn't he notice that? He was so preoccupied being scared of something, he didn't notice when it wasn't there.

'I couldn't care less,' he said, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. Perhaps, finally, that boy had given up whatever grudge he had in the first place.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sixth form is where we go after mandatory school age, so the boys are aged 17-18. A Levels are a qualification - in our school system you take GCSEs at age 16, and then you can leave school, or stay on at sixth form either within a school, or at a college, to do A Levels.


	4. Monday the 20th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for boring establishing chapters that need lots of notes. I hope it's worth it in the long run.

'At least that's over with.'

'Until the next one,' said Jian Yi, throwing his rucksack on the seat next to him. He Tian was right though, the project was finally handed in, and they could, mostly, relax for a short time.

'Hey,' Mo Guan Shan said, 'Why did Ju Pan hold you back after assembly this morning?'

Jian Yi looked uncomfortable; he'd hoped no one had even noticed that. Their form teacher had called his name after giving them the notices, and while most would assume it was just to give him some sort of errand to run, it seemed Mo Guan Shan had spotted how irritated he'd been since the morning.

After sorting his books out for the rest of the day, he'd approached the teacher's desk. 'Sir?'

'Ah, Jian Yi. As we're coming to the end of the term, I thought we should probably have a quick chat. You're a bright student, but you're falling behind in Design Technology.'

'But that's only an AS subject...'

'It doesn't matter. You need all the points you can get if you're going to get on the course you want. It's competitive enough without having an average grade in one subject.'

'I don't even know why I took it...'

'As I told you before, it will help to have 3D modelling skills.'

'But my lowest marks are all for drawing!'

Ju Pan sighed, and rubbed his forehead. 'I know, but the grade is made up of components, and some of those involve drawing. You need at least an A, and right now your teacher says you're barely scraping a C average.'

'What can I do about it? Is it too late to change subjects? Before you said maybe further maths...'

'It's too late for that now. The best idea would be to get some extra tutoring for your drawing, just to pull up your marks. You don't have to be brilliant, just... better than you are right now.' Ju Pan's face softened. 'It would be a shame to get everything else you needed, and fail on one thing, wouldn't it?'

Jian Yi knew he was right, but it didn't stop him being pissed off.

'Hey!' He Tian's voice brought him back to the present. 'He's talking to you. Don't leave us hanging.'

'Huh?'

'Why did Ju Pan keep you back?' Mo Guan Shan asked again.

'Oh, they need me to choose what Mathletes are going to the tournament next month.'

'Should have known it wouldn't be anything anyone else would care about,' teased He Tian. Of the three of them, he was least likely to go on to university, and as such wasn't really interested in anything extracurricular that wasn't rugby.

'Yeah... look I'm going to get off early, since we've finished. Need to get going on deciding on the team.'

'I hate the way you call it a team, like it's actually a sport.'

'He Tian, just shut up for once. See you tomorrow, Jian Yi.'

He didn't reply, too wrapped up in thought. All his plans were going to be ruined at this rate, and for what? Cause he had trouble drawing the item he was making? He could see it clearly in his head, he could build it, make the circuit board, write the essay about what it was meant to do. But then every time, the mark was dragged down by the design process. What he saw in his head, he just couldn't get it to appear on the paper in front of him.

It just seemed so unfair. He wasn't used to asking for help either. He'd go home, and order a book about drawing, there was no way he'd admit to a complete stranger that he needed their help.

He was so wrapped up in what he was thinking about, he hadn't noticed someone had reclaimed their spot by the school gates. Not until he saw the mountain bike wheel, and the familiar profile, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AS level is like half an A level, and mostly used to learn a similar skill to what you will need in order to do your chosen degree. 
> 
> The points I refer to are for our university system. Your points are made up of the grades you get in 3 A levels, and then if you take AS level, that can also sometimes count towards it (but not always, it depends on where you're going and what you want to study).
> 
> Assembly is what happens every morning in a lot of schools, and usually includes a talk (a sermon if you're at a religious school) and often singing something, as well as school notices. I'm guessing in American schools it's like the time where you say the pledge, I'm not sure what happens during that. It's also usually your class or form time, with your main teacher.
> 
> Mathletics isn't really something that happens much in the UK, but as this school is a mash-up of different schooling systems, and Jian yi needed a club to join, I decided to make him a member of a Mathletics club. I did check on google and there's a few mathletes in the UK, they're just quite rare.
> 
> Also, even though the school is in England, they've kept their Chinese names, which means I gave anyone else involved a Chinese name – I used an online generator for this name, putting in an English name and details on age and characteristics to get these names.


	5. Tuesday the 21st

'What happened to you yesterday? No wait, don't tell me - the team needed knee pads.'

'He Tian, you're such a dick. No really, come on, where were you last night?'

Usually after school, the three of them would reconvene in a group message online at some point in the evening. The night before, however, neither Mo Guan Shan or He Tian had seen anything of Jian Yi after seeing him walk out the library earlier than usual.

'The internet wouldn't connect,' he said, furiously scribbling in a notebook, eyes flicking between the book in front of him, and an open laptop.

This explanation seemed to satisfy them both, and they settled into their usual rhythm of working, occasionally asking something of one of the others, or the librarian tutting or shushing them.

Glad of the silence, Jian Yi struggled to correctly remember a formula; unfortunately with this lull in activity, his mind drifted instead to the day before.

He'd spotted the wheel sticking out, visible just behind the main gate, only a second before he realised who it belonged to. At this position, there was no way he could turn around without being more obvious. Cursing himself for not checking through the window before leaving early, he took a deep breath, jammed his hands in his pockets, pointed his face towards the floor, and walked through the gate.

'Hey.'

He hadn't heard him speak before, but there was no doubt who the voice belonged to. He continued walking.

'Hey!' It was louder this time, and accompanied by the clicking of a bike wheel.

Shit. He was following him.

'Wait up.' He felt a hand on his shoulder, and turned with a start.

'Hey! Get off me!'

The hand was retracted sharply, and the apology started. 'Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. It's just...'

He held out a book, and Jian Yi realised he'd been walking behind him wheeling his bike one handed, the physics book he'd been working from in the other.

'This fell out of your bag. Back there.'

He needlessly pointed towards the school gate, as if Jian Yi didn't know where he'd just come from. Obviously he'd forgotten he was holding his bike with that hand, and the whole thing fell with a clatter against the other boy's leg.

'Oh God, I'm so sorry,' he apologised, quickly picking the bike up off the floor.

'Yeah right.' Maybe it wasn't so bad that he'd left school earlier; the dickhead had finally caused him the trouble that had been brewing for a couple of weeks, so maybe that would be the end of it.

He looked at Jian Yi, confused. 'What do you mean?'

'You know exactly what I mean,' he said, brushing the oil which had transferred from the bike chain onto his school trousers.

'I really don't.'

'That's my trousers ruined. Now you can fuck off.'

The book was roughly shoved into his hand. 'Here's your fucking book. Now we're even.'

He turned, slinging a leg over his bike, and pushed off, flipping a finger as he did so. Jian Yi just stared after him, feeling a mix of relief and anger. The evening had been spent desperately trying to get oil out of his trousers before the morning, searching online for remedies, and eventually giving up and hoping leaving them to dry overnight would be good enough.

As he looked down at them, he had to admit it hadn't worked perfectly, but they were clean enough for school, especially so close to the end of term. His mum would be back soon, and she might suggest getting another pair anyway. Until then, these would have to do.

He glanced out of the window, and the spot by the gate was empty again. It seemed things would finally be back to normal.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trousers are what we call pants in the UK :)


	6. Friday the 25th

For the fourth time that afternoon, Jian Yi threw down the pencil.

'Stupid fucking perspective!'

The book he'd bought had arrived, and quickly become one of his most hated possessions. Nothing in it seemed to make any sense; it was all too visual, and yet any words there were made no sense either. Everything seemed to involve drawing circles and squares, and then adding more lines to make it look realistic.

'Give it time,' Mo Guan Shan tried to encourage him, 'you've only had it two days.'

'And most of that has been you just shouting at pencils.'

For once, he didn't snap back at either of them. They both knew how out of his element he was. If he couldn't learn something from a book, the world would no longer make any sense. It was his answer to any problem, something he'd picked up from his Dad; the same parent who, ironically enough, had bought him a book on how to cope with divorce just before moving out.

His collection meant that he was usually the friend to call upon when you needed help, and over the years both of his friends had found solace on those book shelves. Only the year before, Mo Guan Shan's uncle had passed away, so Jian Yi had found a book on the stages of bereavement and slipped it into his bag with a knowing nod, no further words spoken.

This kind of silent support, coupled with very vocal piss taking, was how the three of them had survived secondary school, through the bullying, the rugby defeats, problems at home, even the time they got caught shoplifting at the age of 14.

'It just doesn't make any sense. It keeps saying to flesh it out, but I'm drawing a bloody alarm clock, it doesn't have any flesh.'

'You're too literal,' said He Tian, 'it just means do a rough outline, and then draw it properly using that as guidelines.'

'But I want to just do it right first time. Nothing else needs guidelines first! It's either right or it isn't.'

Mo Guan Shan wandered over, and looked over his shoulder at the drawing he was trying to do. He pointed to a section. 'What's that?'

'The buttons.'

'Why are the lines so straight?'

'I used a ruler.'

He Tian laughed, 'that's why it looks wrong. The lines on buttons wouldn't be straight like that.'

'I know! That's why I'm trying to learn about perspective.'

'Okay, I don't know much, but it's like... look out there.' He Tian pointed towards the wall outside. 'That wall is parallel to us, right? So it's straight. But the gate's open, so the line of the gate slants away from us. That's basically perspective.'

Mo Guan Shan looked impressed. 'That's actually a pretty good way of explaining it.'

'Why thank you, my red headed friend. I do try sometimes.'

Jian Yi smiled at the two of them. 'The rest of the time, you're just a prick.'

'Speaking of which, that cardigan prick hasn't been hanging around this week,' said He Tian, looking slyly at Mo Guan Shan, 'what do you think happened to him?'

'He was there Monday, I saw him when I left.'

'Oh yeah?' Mo Guan Shan raised his eyebrows back at the other boy. They exchanged a knowing look.

'Yeah.' Apparently that was all he was prepared to share with them. They knew not to push him.

He carried on with the drawing, changing the lines to slope towards what the book referred to as 'the vanishing point'. He looked towards the gate again to see how the lines worked in real life. He'd noticed the absence of the boy with the mountain bike too, of course. He was still riding the wave of relief from Monday, and enjoying the lack of sinking feeling whenever he left school.

Something still nagged at him though; why had he been targeted in the first place?

Mo Guan Shan caught the look on his face as he looked out of the window, and nudged He Tian. He looked back at him, shrugging; he squeezed the hand he was holding below the desk, eliciting a blush, and they continued their homework in silence.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jian Yi is experiencing a lot of the difficulties I used to find at school with drawing.


	7. Monday the 28th

'So, how's the drawing going?'

Jian Yi grimaced across the library table at He Tian.

'That bad?'

He'd tried, he really had. Although he had other work to do, he'd sidelined it in favour of trying over and over again to draw something like what he could see in his head. His current project was this alarm clock; he had designed the inner workings to play one sound at 7am, and then a different sound at 7.15am, so the circuit board was complicated enough to get him high marks to make up for whatever drawing he threw together.

He imagined a box with gently rounded corners, lines cut into the front to allow the sound from the hidden speaker behind. His drawing looked like a cereal packet with chopsticks stuck to the front.

'I just can't get it. Ju Pan's trying to get me to go to a tutor again.'

'Is that necessary?'

'Well, I really need to get a good grade on this project, otherwise I'll probably have to drop it, and then I won't have enough points for uni.'

Mo Guan Shan looked shocked. 'I had no idea it was that bad! Why didn't you say anything?'

'What good would that do? Neither of you can draw.'

'Well, no, but jeez,' He Tian shook his head, 'I just can't imagine you failing anything.'

'I never should have taken it.'

'Why can't you get a tutor?' Mo Guan Shan asked, 'Are they hard to find, too expensive?'

Jian Yi shook his head. 'Nah, apparently the college on the other side of town has a program where the art students offer private tutoring for free.'

'So what's stopping you?' Mo Guan Shan asked.

He shrugged, and He Tian answered instead. 'Cause he's a loser who can't admit he needs help.'

'No, I just have better things to be doing.'

'Better than failing a whole exam?'

He sighed, exasperated. 'The full A levels are more important.'

'But you're getting high marks on those, there's no chance you have to give them up.'

He Tian nodded. 'Plus there's not much of term left. You should really concentrate on the drawing.'

Jian Yi sighed again. He knew they were both right, he wasn't going to get a B or above on this without help, and there were barely two weeks left. If he found a tutor, he could get maybe three intensive sessions in, get just good enough to get that B, and then stop.

It was Mo Guan Shan who dealt the killer blow. 'You know what as well, it would really help that college student, I bet it looks great on applications to art colleges if you've been a tutor.'

He groaned at this transparent manipulation. His friend knew he couldn't resist helping someone else, even if that help was for his own benefit, and it made this guidance a less bitter pill to swallow.

'Ok, if I promise to go, will you both leave me alone?'

'Probably not, but it's always worth a try.'

 


	8. Saturday the 4th

The local college stood just on the outskirts of town, to the North of the river. The outside wasn't much different to his own school, but inside was a different matter. Even on a Saturday, it was full of people, mainly much older than him. Some of them were picking up children from the morning art club, some were queueing for weekend hobby classes.

Jian Yi spotted a small girl sitting alone on a bench, trying to put on her shoes. She looked about 6, and he could see a drawing on the bench next to her. He inclined his head to see it better, and noticed it was an astronaut.

'Hey! Cool picture.'

She looked up, fear in her eyes, and snatched up the drawing.

'It's ok, I'm not going to take it. Oh, and it's ok to talk to me, I'm a student here too. My name's Jian Yi.'

'I'm Shi Mu. Could you help with my shoes?'

'You have them on the wrong feet, sweet pea.' He kneeled on the floor, and helped her to change them over, before putting one foot on his knee. 'I always tie my shoes this way, it's much easier.'

He made two loops, crossed them over, and pulled one tightly under the other. His mother had taught him this way, and it was the only way that made sense to him now. Boys during rugby had laughed at him tying his boots that way, but they would have laughed no matter what, so he might as well make it easy for them.

'Wow, that's so fast!'

'Isn't it? Now you try with the other one.'

'Excuse me, what are you doing?' he heard a voice behind him.

'Daddy!' Shi Mu raised her arms, and he swept her up.

Jian Yi stood to find himself face to face with a broad man with a moustache, and an angry expression.

'This is Jian Yi, Daddy. He's helping me with my shoes.'

'Shi Mu, we've told you not to talk to strangers.' He held her at arm's length, a serious expression on his face.

'Oh, sorry, I'm a student here...'

'That's what you would say though, isn't it?' He put his daughter down, but kept holding onto her hand. 'I'm sorry but we have to treat everyone the same.'

'All I did was put her shoes on. It's your fault you were late picking her up.'

He saw the anger flare in his eyes. 'Where's your student ID card?'

He started stuttering, and patting at his pockets. 'Urm, it's here... somewhere...' The father was flaring his nostrils, the hand not holding his daughter's stretched out impatiently.

'Ah, Jian Yi, there you are!' He heard a bright voice from somewhere behind him, 'I found your ID card in my classroom!'

He saw a hand reach out and clasp the one currently waiting for the non existent ID card. There was a leather cuff on the wrist, and a small tattoo of a tree on the thumb. He stopped pretending to look for the card, and looked upwards to see a pierced ear, and brown hair falling over blue eyes.

'Pleasure to meet you, I'm your daughter's art tutor, Zhan Zhengxi.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is EXACTLY how I tie my shoelaces, and I used to get bullied for it. I also call everyone younger than me 'sweetpea'
> 
> The tree tattoo is an homage to my friend


	9. Saturday the 4th continued

'Oh, my apologies, Mr Zhan, I didn't realise you were acquainted.'

Neither did I, thought Jian Yi.

'It's fine, we have to protect these precious ones don't we?' He ruffled her hair, and looked up at Jian Yi. 'Follow me, please.'

He walked towards a small classroom, and Jian Yi was rooted to the ground. He wasn't sure what the lesser of these two evils really was, and wondered whether to just run out of the college. Convincing himself that would only make him look even more suspicious, and catching the revulsion in Shi Mu's father's face, he trotted after his new acquaintance.

The room was colourful and bright, with a couple of small tables and chairs set throughout it. Each one had a wooden block with rows of holes, scissor handles sticking out of the top. It seemed they had been making something from paper, as small scraps of it were strewn everywhere.

Zhengxi was sweeping the floor with a long handled brush, tapping chairs out of the way with his foot. 'You're welcome.'

'How do you know my name?'

'I heard Shi Mu tell her father, how did you think?' He stopped moving the brush. 'Why did you go and tell him you're a student?'

He finally remembered the whole purpose of the visit. 'Ah yes! I'm looking for someone who can give me extra tutoring. I'm failing Design Technology.'

'Ah, I see.' He knelt down and started brushing up the pieces into a dustpan.

'So do you know anyone?'

He stood up with such force the small pieces of paper started fluttering from the pan. 'And why would I help you? Last time we bumped into each other, I gave you your book, and you shouted at me to fuck off.'

'And you threw your bike at me!'

He emptied the pan into the bin. 'I dropped it on you. I didn't mean to do that. I said I was sorry!'

Jian Yi rubbed between his eyes. 'Look, let's just start again shall we?'

He looked up from the bin, closing his eyes. After a couple of seconds, he opened them and looked at him as if he'd made a decision much greater. He saw him smile properly for the first time, as he stretched out a hand.

'Hi, nice to meet you, I'm Zhan Zhengxi.'

He took his hand, shaking it firmly. 'Hi, I'm Jian Yi, and I'm looking for a tutor.'

'Well, you found me.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of research on what honorifics Chinese speakers use, and in the end I decided that because they're in England, speaking English, they would just use the English terms.


	10. Monday the 6th

'He's back.'

Jian Yi looked up. He knew what He Tian was referring to before he even looked out of the window. 'Who is?'

'Oh, we're still playing this game. Excellent. That dick with the cardigan.'

He'd been hoping they wouldn't notice when his new tutor turned up, but apparently fate wasn't being kind, and the two of them were now standing in front of the window.

Mo Guan Shan turned back and looked at him. 'Have you seen him again since the other week?'

'You two are impossible. All I said was I saw him when I left.'

'So there was more you didn't say?' He Tian raised an eyebrow, and got nudged by the redhead.

He started packing up his things. 'Actually, he's here to meet me.'

The two of them span round in unison. 'Excuse me? He's meeting you?'

'When were you going to say something?' Mo Guan Shan turned back to the window. 'Bloody hell!'

He hadn't planned to say anything at all. He wasn't convinced things had changed that much, and he was still sceptical about what had happened before. But if Zhengxi was happy to forget all that, so was he. What was the harm in telling them? They both knew he'd been looking for a tutor, it wasn't so strange.

'He's at the art college, I'm going to him for tutoring.'

He Tian rubbed his chin. 'Small world.'

'It's just for this project.' He'd said the same thing yesterday to Zhengxi when they discussed the finer details.

They'd agreed on three sessions, one every Monday until the end of term. The alarm clock project was due in the morning of the last day, and he'd checked with his teacher that he'd know straightaway if he'd done enough to carry on into the next term.

'What you're trying to draw isn't that hard, you've just given yourself a mental block,' Zhengxi had explained. 'Three sessions should be fine.'

'Your rate is £10, you said. That per session?'

He nodded. 'There's free coffee at the college as well, I'll throw in a cup.'

'Cheers.'

'It's shit, there's never any milk,' he leant in, winking.

After making the arrangements of where to meet and when, he'd left him to clearing up. The uneasiness he felt was no longer about being threatened; but he was still a little nervous, and still hated having to rely on someone else.

'So why the milk?' Mo Guan Shan picked up the small carton off the desk, waving it a bit. Jian Yi took it from him and smiled as he pushed it into the top of his rucksack.

'For the coffee.'

'But you drink it black...' He Tian shouted after him as he left the library.

'It's not for me!'

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> £10 is about $8


	11. Tuesday the 7th

>> Thanks again for the lesson. See you next week.

> No problem. Thanks for the money :)

It hadn't been as bad as he'd expected. He'd greeted Zhengxi at the gate, and they'd ridden off together on their bikes. It was a slightly different area of the college, which was why he'd agreed to meet him and take him there. The Waterhouse building was newer than the one he'd been to on Saturday, and was set further back from the road.

After locking their bikes in a shed at the front, Jian Yi followed him through an arch, and watched as he used his key card to allow them to enter the main door.

'It's just up here,' he pointed to a staircase with metal and glass sides, and jumped up them two at a time.

'Hey, hold up, this bag's heavy!'

'It's in here. Next week, I'll come down and meet you at that door, let you in.'

'Thanks.' He pulled the rucksack off his shoulder, and took out the milk. 'Here.'

'Hey! That's great, thanks!' He took the milk off him with a genuine smile. 'Let's get the kettle on, you can show me your work.'

He busied himself with making coffee, while Jian Yi got his things out. He sat down at the desk, where he could see the other boy's sketchbook already laid out, as well as some pencils. He nudged the book with a finger so he could get a better look. The page was full of portraits of Barack Obama; in all of them he seemed to be mid speech, pointing with a hand, or clenching a fist to prove a point. They weren't photo likenesses, but it was obvious who they were, and the passion had been captured in very few pencil strokes.

'They're for my latest project,' Zhengxi said, walking over and putting a coffee mug next to him, 'I'm studying Rauschenberg.'

He sat down with his own mug, and pulled the other sketchbook towards him. 'Mind if I see what you're up to?'

He waved a hand, and picked up his mug. 'Oh, you put milk in.'

'Yeah, you brought it with you.'

'Sorry, I don't drink milk.'

'Why did you bring it then?'

'Because you said there wouldn't be any. I know it sounds weird, I just thought... it might make up for before somehow.'

Zhengxi looked up, and studied him for a couple of seconds, as if trying to work something out. Eventually, he just laughed, 'You dick. Want me to make you another?'

'It's fine, I'll just have it black next week.'

'So, what are you trying to do here then,' he said, pointing at the alarm clock drawings, and taking a drink of his own coffee.

He explained what he was trying to draw, what he wanted it to look like, and how it would work. Throughout his explanation, Zhengxi made notes in a smaller sketchbook, nodding, and occasionally looking up if Jian Yi paused too long.

'I've built it already, I just need to finish the paper.'

'Oh, you've built it? Excellent, we've got a short cut! Where is it?'

'It's in the technology suite. At school.'

Zhengxi looked at him with mild dismay. 'Well, what's it doing there?'

'Why would it be anywhere else?'

He sighed, 'Yeah, sorry, it's just... it would have been a lot easier to teach you quickly how to just draw what's in front of you rather than what you're imagining.' He shut the book. 'Well, time's getting on, let's make a start.'

'So what are we going to do?'

'We'll try drawing some objects from life, just simple rectangular things. But next week, if you can bring along the alarm clock, we can draw from that, and then just work backwards.'

'Isn't that cheating?'

'Jian Yi,' he looked him earnestly in the eye, 'No one, and I mean no one, does all their sketches before the final piece. It's not like maths, you can fudge your workings a bit.'

'So why has no one told me this before?' he sounded genuinely exasperated. He hated cheating, but a short cut everyone used that he didn't know about? That wasn't a level playing field.

'I'm guessing you've never been failing anything before?' Zhengxi's voice was softer, but not patronising, and somehow calming, a tone he guessed must have been picked up from working with young children.

'No.'

'Well, you know now, so let's get working ok?' He pushed the sketchbook towards Jian Yi, turned the page of his own, and started showing him how to draw perspective lines.

>> What was that artist you mentioned?

> Rauschenberg. Look for his collages

Jian Yi opened up Google, and typed in the name. The first images were a portrait of John F Kennedy, with images of a key, some kind of balloon shaped object, and in the bottom left, a skeleton box, just like the one he'd been shown how to draw the day before.

He smiled, and saved the image to his hard drive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robert Rauschenberg was an artist in the late 1960s. Zhengxi is studying 'Buffalo II' which I studied at A level.
> 
> Do you have bike sheds in other countries? 'Kissing behind the bike sheds' was something that we all talked about as teenagers (in the 1980s).


	12. Monday the 13th

As he sailed up to the shed on his bike, he spotted Zhengxi standing by the door ready to let him in. He was leaning against a railing, smoking, tapping the cigarette into a pocket ashtray. It was the same profile he'd seen as he waited at their school gate those times, but as he'd got to know him, he didn't seem anywhere near as threatening.

They'd messaged a couple of times during the week, mainly so that Jian Yi could send quick snaps of how he was getting on, sometimes receiving a full critique, sometimes just an annoying 'thumbs up' icon. By the end of the week, he had more of a grasp on how to draw some easy objects; his phone, a book, the remote control, just simple blocks with details, but he was still feeling a sense of accomplishment.

He locked his bike up, and wandered over, lifting a cotton bag upwards in greeting. 'I remembered it.'

'The alarm clock! Brilliant.' He stubbed the butt of the cigarette in the small tin, and turned the lid closed. 'I can't wait to see it.'

Once upstairs with the kettle on, Zhengxi moved his attention to the bag's contents. He pulled out a small flat box, made entirely out of a light coloured wood of some kind. The sharp corners had been rounded off using a sanding belt, Jian Yi had explained the process the week before, but he hadn't mentioned what a satisfying feel the wood had. It seemed sturdier than he had expected too, with the dove jointing providing a contrasting grid where the edges met.

He ran his fingers along the top of the clock, and then spotted the speaker. The wood it was encased behind had tiny holes drilled into it, presumably to let out the sound. They were perfectly spaced, and there were no rough edges to the cuts. There was a larger smooth hole on the opposing side, with a neat rubber stopper, out of the centre of which came a power cord.

As Jian Yi measured out the coffee, he realised he hadn't heard a sound for a couple of minutes. Looking over at Zhengxi, he saw him holding the alarm clock, inspecting every inch of it with a kind of reverence, running his lithe fingers along every edge.

'What's wrong?'

He looked back at him, open mouthed. 'You really made this?'

Jian Yi laughed. 'Yeah I told you I'd made it already.'

'It looks ... professional.'

'What, you thought cause I can't draw very well, I'd be shit at making things?'

'Sorry, I just wasn't expecting it.' He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed at being caught out in his assumption. 'It's so perfect.'

'It's easy to make things perfect, it's just measuring and cutting. As long as you follow instructions, it works.' He brought over the coffee, placing the white one in front of his tutor. 'I think that's why I have trouble with drawing.'

'Right, yeah, let's have a look at your sketchbook.' He seemed distracted as he put the alarm clock in the middle of the desk.

–

At the end of the hour, he really felt he'd made progress. He now had a drawing of one side of the clock, and the start of a second one.

'Your homework is drawing it from at least 6 angles. That should be enough for your project.'

'Is it enough to get a good grade?'

'Well, you'll definitely get an A on the final thing. I'm guessing the circuit works perfectly as well?'

Jian Yi looked down as he nodded, modestly.

'There should be no problem getting the C you need. You might even scrape a B if you continue drawing the way you are.'

'You really think so?'

'Well, it's not amazing, but it looks enough like it that you could believe the drawing came before the object. After all, that's the whole point.'

He took off his glasses and shook his head. 'It still seems stupid to me. The teacher knows I already made it.'

'It's not about the teacher, it's the exam board. They don't know how crap you were, they'll only see these ones.' He gestured at the evening's work, and caught sight of his watch. 'Shit, it's almost 8! We overran. We'd better get going.'

He checked his phone. Zhengxi was right, they'd been sitting here talking and drawing for almost two hours. They'd drifted easily between conversations, interspersed with comfortable silences where only the scratching of pencils could be heard. He hadn't noticed how long it had been at all.

'Bollocks,' he suddenly realised something, 'I've only got a tenner with me.'

'I'm not going to charge you more cause we've been here longer,' he laughed, taking the money being offered, 'It was as much my fault as yours. I've been working on my own thing anyway.'

'Oh yeah? Can I see?'

'Urm, it's not finished,' he said, quickly closing the sketchbook and putting it in his bag. 'Come on, I'll walk you out.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a friend with a pocket ashtray and it was the greatest thing I'd ever seen (when I was 14). 
> 
> A tenner is a ten pound note.


	13. Monday the 20th

‘I can’t believe how much better you are!’

‘I know!’ Jian Yi pushed a page towards him, 'Look at this one! I drew that. Me!’ He said it with such pride in his voice, like he could barely believe it.

'You did it. They’re not just passable either, they’re pretty good.’

'Alright, don’t take the piss,’ he punched his arm, 'Passable is fine.’

'It’s not taking the piss! Maybe just… flattery,’ he stood up, 'Want some coffee?’

'Please. So tonight I just need to clean up my project a bit so I can hand it in tomorrow. Will you check it over?’

'Yeah sure,’ he said, pouring out the hot water, 'I can be getting on with my thing.’

After giving Jian Yi his coffee, he pulled over a short wooden bench, and flipped up a hinged piece at one end, resting it into a notch so it leant at an angle.

'What’s that?’

'A donkey,’ he said, propping a large wooden board against the angled piece he just moved into position. There was paper taped onto the board. He placed a couple of pencils next to his coffee on the seat, and straddled it, carefully positioning his legs so he didn’t disturb anything. 

He picked up a pencil, and looked up at Jian Yi, who was just staring back at him.

'That’s a seriously big piece of paper if you need a whole new piece of furniture for it.’

Zhengxi laughed. 'It’s just better for my back. I don’t have to hold the board up. See?’ He drew what looked like a large oval on the paper.

'Why don’t I get one of those?’ He sounded jealous.

'Look at the size of your paper, you idiot. You’re fine over there.’

–

The hour passed just as quickly again. As Jian Yi hadn’t finished, they agreed he should stay until it was done so it could be checked over. Zhengxi seemed happy enough to carry on what he was doing as well, so they stuck around a bit longer.

'So why is it called a donkey?’

He thought for a minute. 'Do you know, I have no idea.’ He looked between his drawing and Jian Yi as he spoke. 'Sometimes they’re called ponies or even horses, but they all do the same thing.’

'I think I’m done by the way.’

'Ah ok,’ he said getting up, 'I’ll come and check it.’ He stretched his arms above his head, linking together his fingers. The movement seen out of the corner of his eye caused Jian Yi to lift his head, and he caught a glimpse of stomach as the t-shirt lifted. 

'Urm, I thought you said the donkey was comfortable,’ he said, looking away.

'I said it was _more_ comfortable, it’s still got a hard seat.’ He moved over to the desk and flipped through the project. 'Yeah, this looks ready to hand in.’

'Is it good enough?’

'I thought you just wanted passable?’ He looked sideways and smiled at him. 'You’re just a perfectionist.’

'Well, if my tutor says it’s ready to go, then I guess I’m done.’ He stood up and started walking towards the sink with his mug. Dropping it in the sink, he did a quick U turn, and ran over to the donkey. 'Now it’s my turn!’

He threw his legs either side of the hard wooden bench, and sat grinning at the other boy.

'Hey! Get off that!’ he shouted, launching himself at the board.

'Why should you have all the f…’ He didn’t finish the sentence, because he’d looked up at the drawing. He put his hand out to stop Zhengxi before he could move it.

Looking back at him, was a pencil sketch of his own face. He was looking down at the desk, a crease of concentration between his thin eyebrows. His fine hair had been rendered in the lightest of lines, hanging over his glasses, which had slipped down his nose slightly. It was so beautifully observed, it made him want to push them back up the nose.

'You weren’t supposed to see it,’ he said, simply and quietly.

'Why not? It’s incredible! It looks so much like me.’ He looked up, smiling, pointing out a section. 'Look! You even got my annoying cowlick in the right place.’

The artist was bright red, not looking him in the eye. He picked the coffee mug up off the donkey,  took it over to the sink, and started washing them both up. He still hadn’t looked at him directly, and Jian Yi realised he was obviously angry about what had happened.

'Zhengxi, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have looked before it was done.’

He turned away from the sink, and said, 'I’m the one who should be apologising, I should have told you I was drawing you.’

'That’s fine! Honestly, it’s really good. I’m flattered you did it. Are we cool?’ He put his hand out towards him.

He paused, before taking his hand, and shaking it decisively. 'Definitely.’


	14. tuesday the 21st – messenger conversation

> Come on then, you're killing me

>> What?

> Don't be a dick. What was the verdict?

>> On what? The Great British Bake Off?

> Why are you like this?

>> Crippling self doubt.

> Did you pass or not?

>> Oh the project! Sorry I completely forgot.

> So...?

> Jian Yi!

> Oi!

>> Sorry! Mum called me into the kitchen.

> Your mum came back?

>> Yeah she was here when I got back last night.

> Where does she work away?

>> I got a B

> :D :D :D

> That's amazing!

>> Thanks. He said I can stay on next term.

> This is fantastic. I'm really proud of you.

>> Thanks

> Are you going to celebrate?

>> Don't be a weirdo, it's not even a final exam

> It IS the end of term though, right?

>> Isn't it the end of term for you?

> Well, technically. I'm still doing Saturday classes, and I'll be writing my thesis

>> On Rauschenberg?

> Some of it. I had to choose 5 pieces of artwork to write about.

> One of them is by him

>> What about the others?

>> Zhengxi?

> Were you avoiding my question earlier?

>> Which one?

> About your mum

>> No

> So where does she work?

> ...

> If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but say that.

>> I don't want to talk about it

> Ok

> The other artists are Lichtenstein, Warhol, Paolozzi and Oldenburg.

>> I've heard of Warhol

> LOL they're all pop artists

>> You mean like musicians?

> No, that's the kind of art they do.

>> My mum does that

> Pop art?

>> She's a musician.

>> She tours a lot.

> Wow! That sounds exciting

>> It isn't

> What about your dad?

>> No

> You might like Paolozzi. He does a lot of very technical drawing.

>> I'll google it

> Let me know if you do.

>> Ok

> Sorry, Jian Yi

>> It's ok

> Congratulations on the B

>> I'm sure you deserve some of the credit

> See you Monday

>> ?

> For the lesson

>> Eh? I got the grade!

>> I said I was only going to have three lessons

> Oh yeah. Right. Of course.

>> I'll let you know what I think of Paolozzi

> Ok

>> I'd better go talk to Mum

>> See you, Zhengxi

> Goodbye, Jian Yi.

 


	15. Saturday the 25th

'What time's it start?'

Mo Guan Shan looked up the times on his phone. 'The one we wanted to watch started ten minutes ago. We could watch this?' He showed his phone to He Tian.

'I'm not watching that bollocks.' He looked at the time on the screen in annoyance. 'God, where the fuck is he?'

'I'll try ringing, it's not like him.'

–

'Ah, hang on, sorry, I better get this.' Jian Yi answered his phone. 'Hey, sorry. I got caught up, go in without me.'

'It started already, where are you?'

'I'm on the ground floor near the escalator, hang on, I'll come up.'

He hung up the phone, and looked at the acquaintance he'd bumped into. 'Want to come and see a film?'

–

'Here he comes. Who's that he's with?'

He Tian snorted. 'Take a guess.' He held his hand aloft.

Mo Guan Shan looked over to where he'd waved, and saw their friend walking towards him, chatting with a boy in a green cardigan, both ears full of piercings.

'Well this is a turn up,' the red haired boy said, as they reached them.

'Zhengxi, this is Mo Guan Shan and He Tian, the two twats I hang around with at school.'

He nodded toward both of them. 'Alright?'

–

'You're a dark horse,' He Tian sidled up to him at the popcorn counter.

'What are you on about now?'

'He's even wearing the cardigan.'

'He wouldn't be much of a “cardigan prick” without it.'

'So is he your new best friend?' He Tian pouted. 'Should we be worried about being abandoned?'

'Yeah, I'm going to the art college in September. They said I shouldn't let my enormous talent go to waste.'

–

'How long have you known him?'

Mo Guan Shan looked over at his two friends by the popcorn. 'Which one? Tweedledum or Tweedledee?' He turned to Zhengxi and grinned. 'I met them both at the start of secondary school. We've been together since then.'

'And how long...'

'About three months.'

'He has no idea, does he?'

'Nope.'

'I won't say anything.'

Mo Guan Shan looked sideways, and tried to thank him, but he was busy watching the other two arguing with each other, smiling to himself.

–

After the film, Mo Guan Shan grabbed He Tian's arm and kept him back from the others.

'The new boy knows,' he whispered.

'Shit. Will he tell him?'

'He says not.'

'Good.' He looked over at them. 'Have you seen how he looks at him?'

'Which one?'

'Either of them, does it matter?'

–

'I've been thinking,' Jian Yi said as they walked towards the bus stop, 'I think I'd like to carry on with art classes.'

'Hey, that's great! What made you decide that?'

'I've been enjoying it, and I think it would look good on my university application to have a hobby.'

Zhengxi clapped a hand on his back. 'I think so too. Monday at the usual place?'

'Nice one. Can I draw something other than that bloody alarm clock though?'

 


	16. Monday the 27th

'So which is your favourite constellation?'

There was no hesitation in Jian Yi's answer. 'Ursa Major. The classic.'

'I can't believe you had that answer so quickly.'

The two of them sat in the usual classroom, sketching in their books. Zhengxi was carrying on with his Obama piece, whilst overseeing the drawing of a simple still life in the centre of the desk. He'd brought a few different objects with him, and got his student to choose five to set-up anyway he wished. He chose a small book, an apple, a round wooden box, a candle, and a paper rose, and arranged them in a pile.

The shapes were simple enough to not cause any major problems, and he was proud of his progress. More importantly he was enjoying himself.

He'd known He Tian and Mo Guan Shan for years, and he couldn't remember either of them ever showing an interest in astronomy. They both knew it was his hobby, and that he was going to study astrophysics, but neither of them gave the impression they knew what any of that really meant.

The minute he mentioned astrophysics to Zhengxi, he'd understood it wasn't studying planets, and that it was a completely different branch of the subject. He knew how black holes were formed, how it wasn't the same as a wormhole, and what dark matter was; this led to them discussing VantaBlack, a material created by NASA which was currently being used by a famous artist.

His mind was like a sponge, soaking up interesting pieces of information, grabbing them from his mind's recesses, and entertaining whoever he was talking to. He'd noticed that on Saturday as they queued to get into the film, how easily he spoke to his two friends, despite their varied backgrounds. He could talk to Mo Guan Shan about camera lenses in one breath, and the Super League with He Tian in the next.

'Do you have a favourite constellation?' He suspected he probably would.

'Canis Major. I just like dogs.'

'Did you know Chinese constellations are different to Western ones? They're called Asterisms, and are much smaller.'

'Really?'

'Yeah so in Chinese astronomy, Ursa Major is actually a few smaller Asterisms, within the Purple Forbidden Enclosure. Ursa Major is made up of Right Wall, Royals, Inner Steps...' He looked up. 'Sorry, I just realised how boring this must be.'

'Not at all! I love stuff like this. Inner steps?'

'It represents a ladder. I don't know much more than that.'

'More than I knew, dude.' He put down his pencil. 'How's it going over there?'

'I'm beginning to wish I hadn't chosen the rose.'

'Let's have a look.' He walked over, and stood behind Jian Yi, appraising his sketch. 'Hold it up a second?'

He obliged, turning his head slightly to see the tutor put his hand on his chin. 'Is it terrible?'

He gestured at him to put it down again, and came up behind him. He reached over his right shoulder, picked up a pencil, and started sketching lightly next to the rose on the sketchbook.

'You're drawing what you think is there, not what you can see. See how the petal edges curl, they're not an oval.'

He smelled of orange, but there was something else there. Coriander, maybe?

'The reason people draw still lifes,' he was still talking, he hadn't really noticed, 'Is the interaction of the objects. It's not just about the book and the rose, it's how the book _supports_ the rose, how the rose throws shadow on the book.'

Jian Yi looked down at his hands, moving swiftly, the pencil held in his fingers with an impossible lightness.

His heart was suddenly pounding in his chest. Zhengxi was still speaking, but he only knew because his face was close enough to feel his breath. He had no idea what he was saying.

He couldn't take his eyes off those hands. His first and second fingers traced the outline of his own drawing, as he held the pencil between his thumb and palm.

The thought came into his mind with no warning – I want to feel those fingers trailing down my stomach.

Mixed in with the desire he felt was shame and fear.

The first inner step had been taken, and he had no idea how he was going to get off that ladder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super League is a major sports league for rugby teams.
> 
> I cannot believe I managed to get a reference to VantaBlack into my fanfic.


	17. Monday the 3rd

As he locked up his bike, he could see Zhengxi waiting for him, not in the usual spot, but sitting on a bench. His legs were crossed, causing his rolled up jeans to ride up his calves. Wearing only a muscle t-shirt, Jian Yi was surprised by the size of his biceps. He walked over, watching as he scrolled on his phone with a thumb, smiling at something as he read. Unusually, his sketchbook was leaning against his leg, along with his bag sitting by his feet.

'What's up?'

'It's too nice to be inside today. Let's go on a field trip.'

'Should I bring my bike?'

Zhengxi stood, lifting his bag over his head, and picking up his sketchbook. 'Nah, we won't be going far, we can walk.'

The college grounds behind their building backed onto the nearby riverbank, the stomping ground for local dog walkers, joggers and high school children looking for a quiet spot to cause trouble. It was possible to sneak through a hole in the fence and make your way down the bank that way; but everyone knew it was usually too muddy, and you were more likely to walk in something unpleasant.

They followed the road round, as it lifted gently over the water, eventually leading to a duo of metal railings designed to ensure cyclists got off their bikes before riding along the bank. Just beyond this was a lone wooden bench, and it was here that they stopped, dropping their gear.

'I thought we'd try drawing a landscape,' he said, gesturing at the opposite riverbank. 'Drink it in!'

Following the sweep of his arm, Jian Yi took in the view. 'It's a bit shit, isn't it?'

'Ah well, you say that,' he said pointing at him, 'But I chose this spot because of the lack of substance. I thought more trees would mean more to draw.'

'Less for me to make a mess of.'

He shook his head and sat down. 'Not at all.' He wiped off the bench next to him with his hand, and patted it.

It was narrow, but just wide enough to fit them both with a gap, albeit small, between them. He pulled out his sketchbook, and held it in the crook of his arm; Zhengxi's was too big for that, so he was resting his on the knee of his crossed legs.

'So the principle here is the same. Sketch some guidelines across the page, like the horizon, the top of the bank, the water edge, before you fill in the details.' He showed him his own page as he spoke, pointing out each line with the blunt end of his pencil. 'You won't get it right first time, so try not to get disappointed, ok?'

'I'm hard to please though. Nothing I do is good enough for myself.'

'You need to work on that. Finished is better than perfect.'

Jian Yi nodded, and stretched out to pick up his bottle of water, at the same time Zhengxi moved his hand to brush away eraser dust from the paper. Their fingers touched very slightly, they both apologised.

To fill the awkward silence, he said, 'Thanks for bringing the water.'

'Well, your fee is meant to include complimentary coffee, that was the deal,' he turned to face him earnestly. 'Speaking of which, I was thinking. I feel a bit weird about taking money from you.'

There was something about the way he was always so unnervingly honest; he got the feeling that he would never lie to him, and couldn't place the origin of the trust he suddenly felt. He searched his eyes for any trace of a joke, and found none.

'I asked you to teach me, of course I'm paying you.'

'No, seriously, I won't accept any more after today. I'm on holiday next week, and it seems a good time to draw a line under it.'

'Does that mean you won't teach me any more?' he sounded dejected.

Zhengxi moved his hand towards him, but this time his palm made contact with the back of his hand. 'I didn't say I wanted to stop teaching you, I just won't let you pay.'

'But why?'

'We're friends now, aren't we?'

Jian Yi nodded, looking down at their hands, still touching.

'I just don't want to take money off a friend,' he said, squeezing his hand slightly, and finally moving it away.

 


	18. Monday the 10th

It was strange how quickly his lessons on Monday had become habit; Zhengxi being on holiday just one week shouldn't have made much of a difference, but he felt at a loose end.

He got his sketch book out anyway, and tried to finish the still life he'd started before. The rose he'd sketched next to his own poor effort took him by surprise when he looked at it again; the memory pecking at him like a dirty secret.

He turned the page and decided to just start a new sketch. He set up a few objects from his house on the table, and started work.

His mum wandered through the room in just a skirt and bra. 'Have you seen my blue shirt?'

'Jeez, Mum, put some clothes on!'

'I will when I find it!'

'I think I washed it last night.'

She stomped into the kitchen, and opened the washing machine. 'It's still in here, wet through!'

'How is this my fault?' He shifted the candle around so it threw a different shaped shadow onto a glass ashtray. 'You're the mother. Apparently.'

'What are you doing with all that stuff?

'Drawing it.'

'Isn't it the holidays? Why do you have homework?'

'Mum, it's a hobby, just something for fun, nothing serious... You know, like you saying you're a parent.'

She flicked him on the forehead. 'Oi, smartarse.'

She'd been to her room, and found a different shirt, and started buttoning it up while sitting on the sofa. She looked over at Jian Yi, an intense look of dissatisfaction on his face as he looked at the array in front of him, and erased almost every line he drew.

'What's wrong, love?'

'It's really difficult,' he said, putting down his pencil, 'I can't do it without Zhengxi here.'

'Who's that?' She lit a cigarette.

'Mum, not in here, go on the balcony. He's been teaching me how to draw.'

She walked over to the large glass doors, kissing him on the head as she walked past him. Sliding it open, she stood in the gap, blowing smoke into the summer breeze.

'Why not invite him over here next week?'

He looked up at her. Had she guessed something from what he said?

'Why?' he asked, a suspicious tinge in his voice.

'I want to see where my money is going.'

He picked up his phone, and opened a message window.

>> How's the holiday?

>> Listen, mum was wondering if you want to do the lesson at our place next Monday. What do you think?

His thumb hovered over the 'send' button, as he read it again, to check it didn't sound weird. He closed his eyes, and pressed.

He hadn't realised he'd been holding his breath until his phone buzzed, and he started breathing again.

> Sounds fun.

 


	19. Monday the 17th

'Just a minute!' Jian Yi shouted as the doorbell rang. He put the lid onto the cafetière he'd just filled with water, and made his way to open the door, wiping his slightly damp hands through his hair.

He paused by the kitchen to check his reflection in the mirror hanging there, and took off his glasses. He smiled at his reflection, put back on his glasses, and tried smiling again. He pushed his fringe back off his forehead, took off his glasses again, and sucked in his cheeks a little.

The doorbell went again, and he jumped a bit, giving up on what he was looking at and just putting the glasses back on.

'Sorry, I wasn't sure you heard the first bell.' Zhengxi stood there, carrying his large sketchbook.

'Oh I shouted, but I was in the kitchen. Making coffee.'

Standing to one side, he let him walk past into the house, and watched as he took off his shoes. The threads on the hem were hooked around one of them, and he had to bend a little to sort them out, causing the jeans to slip down a little.

His mouth had gone dry before he said, 'I'd better go sort the coffee before it's over brewed.' He turned sideways to slip past him into the kitchen before he could see his face was flushing, and pointed towards the opposite doorway. 'The living room is just through there.'

The apartment was a fair size, but usually felt too big. As his mother worked away so much, he basically lived alone, making his own meals and looking after the house. As he was almost 18, it didn't feel like a chore, but that's only because it had got easier over the last couple of years. At first, his aunt had dropped in to check on him, but he was so responsible for his age, everyone had left him to get on with it.

He came out of the kitchen with a tray of coffee and biscuits, and set it down on the table in the living room. Zhengxi had already claimed a low foot stool, perching there with his sketchbook leaning on a larger chair, in a makeshift recreation of the art donkey.

Jian Yi knelt on the floor, just next to the stool, and pushed the press down on the pot; he then carefully poured out two cups, and lifted one to pass to his guest. It was the first time he'd looked at his face since he walked in the door, and he was taken aback to find Zhengxi was already looking at him. He showed no embarrassment at being caught out, and calmly took the drink.

'I like watching you concentrate. You're always so absorbed in what you're doing,' he took a biscuit from the plate, put it in his mouth whole, and brushed his hands. 'So, what shall we draw today?'

Jian Yi lifted a biscuit to the cup, still maintaining eye contact. He dipped it into the coffee very briefly, before biting it in half. As he chewed, his tongue flicked out to catch a small crumb that had stuck to his top lip.

'Can I try drawing you?'

'Urm, we could try. I'm... not sure how,' he seemed uncertain, looking down at his own sketchbook. 'I've never really taught portraiture.'

'I've already looked at my book on the bit about drawing faces, I just wanted to try it on a real one.'

'Is it ok if I draw you again at the same time?'

He put the other half of the biscuit in his mouth, and chewed it, thinking. 'I think that's fine.'

–

The next half an hour was spent almost in silence. Jian Yi had moved to a chair on the other side of the room, sitting with his knees up to his chest, propping his sketchbook on them. The other boy stayed where he was on the tiny stool, although he turned it so they were facing each other head on.

The only sounds were pencils scratching, coffee drinking, and biscuit eating. Both pairs of eyes flicked between the paper and the subject, often catching each other, holding the gaze for longer each time.

Eventually, Jian Yi cleared his throat. 'I think I need some help here.'

Zhengxi put down his sketchbook, and went over to the chair. He sat on the arm of it, leaning on the back of the chair for balance, and scrutinised the drawing.

'It's not too bad. The eyes are too high, they should be about halfway down my head. Did you draw in guidelines?'

'I did, but they looked like they were going to be far too low, so I kind of ignored them.'

He laughed. 'Why draw guidelines and then ignore them, you tit.' He leant forwards, pointing at the mouth. 'This is actually quite good.'

Jian Yi turned his head, to find himself face to face with the real mouth he'd drawn. 'Yeah. It is.'

His eyes flicked upwards, and met Zhengxi's. For a few seconds, neither moved or blinked. He was acutely aware of his breath, as his mouth parted slightly. He licked his bottom lip, even though there was no crumb this time.

The pupils of the other's eyes widened, almost swallowing the blue. He moved forward slightly.

Suddenly, there was a sound of clicking metal and the front door opened. The sound jarred them both from their eye contact, and they jumped to their feet.

'Jian Yi! Are you home?'

They both watched as a blonde woman walked through the door, grocery bags in both hands. Her son hurriedly stepped forward, taking the bags from her into the kitchen. She remained in the doorway, slipping her shoes off, and smoothing down her windswept hair.

The blue eyed boy still hadn't moved, couldn't take his eyes off their intruder. It was definitely the woman he remembered, she had hardly changed at all.

He'd been right all along.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Biscuits in England are known as cookies in America, and dipping them in a hot drink is like manna from heaven
> 
> A cafetière I believe is called a French Press in America


	20. Thursday the 20th

> Can we meet?

Jian Yi stared at his phone. He'd only ever seen Zhan Zhengxi once outside of usual tutoring hours, and that was by accident; yet here he was, just casually asking to meet up, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

He shook himself. It _was_ the most normal thing in the world. They were friends now, weren't they? They talked to each other regularly; Zhengxi knew his favourite constellation, he knew his favourite artist.

>>Yeah sure. Where?

That seemed casual enough. Friendly even.

But was it friendly enough? It sounded clipped.

>> :)

There, a smily face always helps makes things friendlier. Had he left too long between the two messages? Did it seem like he was _trying_ to be friendly.

Now he was just over thinking. He put the phone on the chair, and went to the bathroom to avoid watching to see those three dots pulsating.

He took off his glasses, and looked at himself in the mirror; his hair badly needed a trim, curling around his neck and hanging in front of his eyes. He pushed it back off his forehead, and studied his faint eyebrows, hardly visible over his equally pale eyes. He had his mother's face, particularly above the nose.

He smirked at his reflection as he remembered Zhengxi sketching these same features. He had carefully drawn them, looking upwards every few seconds at Jian Yi, smiling when their eyes met. At the time, he'd marvelled at how it looked like him, while also not how he saw himself at all.

He'd made him look beautiful that day; ethereal and thoughtful, as he concentrated on his own drawing.

He heard his phone buzz, and went to pick it up.

> Great. That cafe near the bookshop?

As he was typing a reply, he received another message

> I actually have something I need to talk to you about. Just didn't want to spring it on you.

He felt a weight in his chest, and couldn't figure out if it was good or bad. He realised he ought to respond before he worried too much about it.

>> Nothing bad?

The answer came almost immediately.

> No, don't worry

Jian Yi breathed a sigh of relief, replied with an agreement to meet in 30 minutes, and shrugged on his jacket.

–

The cafe was only a fifteen minute ride on his bike, and he was there well before he was due. However, the familiar bike was already chained up outside, and he parked his own next to it. As he walked towards the cafe, he spotted Zhengxi through the window, sitting in a corner booth. He waved, but the other boy's face was trained on the surface of his coffee, the mug cradled in two hands.

He looked up as Jian Yi entered, and as they saw each other, they both gave strained smiles. The tension was already there, despite him saying there was nothing to worry about. As he made his way to the table, he held a hand up to the waitress, and she walked over at the same time.

'Americano please. You need anything?' he asked Zhengxi. He shook his head in response, lifting the mug to show it was almost full.

He sat down opposite him, trying to act as normally as he could. His heartbeat had quickened as soon as he saw Zhengxi, and as he struggled to decide what might be happening, he could feel a throbbing knot in his chest.

'So,' Zhengxi began, 'I suppose you're wondering what this is about.'

'Oh, we're not even going to pretend this isn't really awkward? I'm disappointed.'

He smiled weakly. 'You're always disappointed, you're very hard to please.'

The waitress had arrived with the coffee, and he waved away milk and sugar.

'I'm never disappointed in a good black coffee.' He smiled at the waitress, and she walked back to the counter.

'So,' Zhengxi said again.

'So?'

'I don't know where to start, so I'm just going to say it. It's about Monday.'

'Ah. We're going to discuss what happened Monday?'

'Not that.' He felt a flush creeping on his neck. 'I met your mum.'

Jian Yi laughed. This was a lot better than he was expecting. It wasn't even the first time this had happened.

'Well, I hate to tell you this, but just because she's not with my Dad, she's not interested in my friends.'

'Eh?'

'This always happens. I get it. She's young for a mum, and in good shape. You're not the only friend who's...'

'You're such a loser sometimes. I don't have a crush on your mum. Well, she's good looking and everything but... Anyway, no it's not that, you twat.'

Jian Yi was lost. 'Well, what then?'

'I had a hunch about something. Meeting your mum just confirmed it.'

'Zhengxi, what's going on?' He was starting to get worried again.

'What playschool did you go to?'

'Building Blocks.'

He nodded. 'Do you remember being in a play about ants?'

'I really don't know where this is going, but yes. I was a flower.'

Zhan Zhengxi waited so that his companion would look up, then took a deep breath.

'And I was a leaf.'

Jian Yi looked confused, until he looked down to see the photograph being pushed across the table.

He picked it up, peering at the serious faces of two children, who looked to be about 4 or 5. There he was, on the left, a red rubber flower shape pushed over his head, and making a V with one hand. The other one was holding the hand of a boy standing next to him. Even at that age, his eyebrows were thick and brown, and his hair fell into his blue eyes. He had rubber leaves stuck to his back, and was clutching a loose one to his chest.

He looked up, and there were the same blue eyes staring back at him, brow furrowed.

'This is us at Building Blocks?' he finally asked.

Zhengxi nodded. 'Yeah. Do you remember yet?'

'You're Xixi.' This time it wasn't a question, but Zhengxi still nodded again.

'I always hated that nickname.'

  


 


	21. Saturday the 22nd

He was already up and dressed by 9am, causing his mother to overact in mock horror, and touch his forehead.

'Are you ill? Should I call the doctor?'

'Oh ha ha. Is there coffee?'

She poured him a cup, and watched as he sat at the table to drink it. He caught a strange smile on her face, and raised an eyebrow at her.

'I was just wondering when you started drinking coffee, and thinking how old you look.'

'Mum, do you remember Building Blocks?'

'Vaguely, that was your playschool wasn't it? I think I only dropped you off a couple of times. The neighbour usually took you.'

'Did I have a lot of friends?'

She took a moment to think. 'I only remember one kid. You went to his house a couple of times, you would tell me about his comics. You're going to ask his name aren't you, I can't remem...'

'Xixi. He was called Xixi.'

'That's the one!'

He took a drink. 'I didn't see him after playschool, we were at different schools after that.'

'Why are you asking me this?'

'Do you believe in fate?'

She shook her head, with no hesitation. 'Not in the slightest. I believe in coincidence and blind luck.'

'You know that boy who came over on Monday? That was him.'

She turned and looked at him. 'What? How did that even happen? I thought he was just someone from the local college.'

'It was a coincidence.' And blind luck, he said to himself.

–

As he cycled to the college, he mulled over what had happened on Thursday evening. He was ashamed of how he'd left things with Zhengxi, if he was being honest. He'd stammered his way through saying, 'I can't believe it,' and then just got up and left. He thought the other boy must have expected such a reaction, as he didn't even follow him; Jian Yi had stealthily checked while unlocking his bike, and he'd been sitting in the same place, still drinking his coffee.

Having had the whole of Friday to think about it, he'd decided to go and see him in person at the Saturday morning class. It would be private enough to have a conversation, without being so private that an argument might break out if he didn't like what he was hearing.

What he really needed was an explanation of why it had taken so long for him to say anything. He felt like 'meeting his mum' was just an excuse. The fact he still had the photograph would mean he would recognise him much more easily than Jian Yi, who had no such record of a friendship which had been over for more than 10 years.

The lesson usually finished just after 10, and he arrived in time to see the children leaving. He recognised a few from the time he'd first met Zhengxi, including Shi Mu who waved at him, pointing to the picture of a rocket ship in her other hand. He clasped his hands to his mouth in overblown delight, and the little girl smiled with pure pleasure.

He found him in the same classroom as before, clearing away paper and scissors from the tables. They were so low, he had to stoop every time, and it made him smile to see someone usually so serious look slightly ridiculous.

He took a deep breath. 'Hey.'

Zhengxi turned with a start. 'Hey. I'm really glad you dropped by.' His smile was genuine, and it made Jian Yi relax.

He sat on one of the tiny chairs, and it was his turn to look like a fool. He decided to just get to the point, in much the same way they had the other night. 'I'm sorry about Thursday.'

'It's fine. It must have been a shock.'

'When did you realise who I was?'

'That day I saw you in the book shop.'

He looked up, surprised. 'But you hardly saw me.'

'I saw your profile, just recognised your nose. Then I saw the astronomy book you were reading.'

He laughed. 'I always was into that.'

'So then I just tried to find you again. I thought I knew the uniform, so I hung around until I saw you.'

Everything was falling into place. 'And then I was a complete dick to you.'

'Yeah, what was weird.'

'I thought you were hanging around just to annoy me. So when you dropped your bike on me...'

'You thought it was on purpose.' Zhengxi nodded. 'I get it now.'

'You always did understand me.'

'So when you showed up here, for lessons, that was just … fate?'

'My mum says fate is just coincidence,' he said, nodding sagely.

By this time, Zhengxi had finished tidying the tables, and had pulled another tiny chair over to sit next to him. 'I think your mum's probably right. I don't want to sound like we're in one of my sister's mangas. Yeah we knew each other as kids, but it's not like I always knew I was in love with you or anything.'

Jian Yi turned to face him. 'Huh?'

Zhengxi brushed the fringe from his eyes. 'That started to happen when I drew your portrait.'

Their faces were only inches apart. He leaned forward, and kissed him gently on the mouth.

 

 

 

 

 


	22. Friday the 10th of May – Saturday the 22nd of July

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a LONG chapter, but I didn't want to break it up.

He knew he had the right school as soon as he arrived at the gate; all the boys were wearing that red tie, and everyone had a grey blazer with the same emblem on the pocket.

Stationing himself at the middle gate, he drew out a cigarette, and started smoking. He didn't smoke much, usually only when he was nervous or waiting for something. If he hadn't had to keep his head up, he might have pulled out his pocket notebook and jotted down some ideas, but as it was, he was searching for him.

He waited until the crowd had thinned out. Maybe he'd find him tomorrow. He might even ask some of the other students if they knew him.

–

After five days of waiting, he still hadn't seen him. People seemed to know who he meant, but weren't sure where he'd be after school.

If he'd been in the bookshop last week, maybe he went there every Saturday?

He chained his bike up, and went off to get a takeaway coffee so he had something else for his hands to do except smoke. Holding it between both hands, he enjoyed the warmth soothing the fleshy part at the base of his thumbs. Trying to cut things with those tiny scissors always made the muscles there stiff.

When he got back to the book shop, he searched through the window, but couldn't see that hair again. However, when he went to get his bike, he saw another one chained up next to it, and recognised it as the one he watched Jian Yi ride away on last week. (Could he refer to him as that yet, even in his head? He still wasn't sure it was him.)

The bike itself made him a little more certain. He remembered Jian Yi telling him proudly about an expensive racing bike his dad had hung in a storage locker, and this certainly looked professional, with the narrow wheels and the seat with a hole in the centre.

It looked so uncomfortable. Was it as sharp as it looked? He ran his finger along it, and laughed at himself even thinking it would feel sharp when it was clearly cushioned.

He'd try at school again one day in the next week. He couldn't be bothered waiting around any more near this shop, he was tired from the morning's class and wanted to get home.

–

It was just luck that the day he chose was also the day Jian Yi left school early. (He could definitely call him by that name now; seeing that face again, obviously he was older, but there was no mistaking the paleness of his features, and the point of his nose). He started walking towards the gate, and carried on through refusing to lift his head.

Should he say 'Jian Yi?' He needed to make a quick decision before he got too far away.

The book falling from his bag was a blessing. He quickly picked it up and walked towards him to give it back.

–

The whole dropping the bike had been unfortunate, he hadn't meant to swear at him and ride off. He was just so frustrated with the whole situation. He could see he had definitely scared him, and he knew he needed to back off. People change, he knew that, but Jian Yi was always a bit of a pushover, and he didn't want to be doing the pushing.

He stayed away from the school for a couple of weeks, thinking that at least now he knew where he was, he could go back after a bit of time had passed.

After the lesson, he heard a raised voice drifting from the cloakroom.

'Where's your student ID card?'

Oh shit, that was Shi Mu's dad, he was usually trouble. He moved quickly towards the door, and saw him talking to someone. The other figure had light blonde hair, and was patting at his coat pockets. When he turned his head to the side, there was that nose again.

What the fuck was he doing here?

He stepped in to deal with the situation, lying to get rid of them, hoping Jian Yi would follow him into the classroom. He took a few deep breaths to prepare himself, before picking up the brush and waiting for him.

–

The first session went well. He was easy to talk to, and any animosity seemed to have been smoothed over by hand shaking and the gift of the milk.

It was still weird, but he'd eventually tell him who he was, he promised himself.

–

He was nervous again the next Monday, so nervous he had to smoke while he was waiting. There had been opportunities to tell him the truth during the week via messaging, but he decided to do it face to face.

But then he'd brought that beautiful clock with him.

Sometimes people surprise you so much your whole view of them shifts, and it can never go back. He couldn't believe the craftmanship of that wooden box, made by the hands of someone who had seemed so awkward when drawing, so unsure of his creativity.

Once again, he offended him. Yes, he hadn't expected him to be any good at making things, but not because he thought he was stupid; in fact it was quite the opposite. He himself was great at creative ideas, but was so bad at English and Maths he'd had to be tested for dyslexia, before it was ruled that he was just very average.

Now wasn't the time to discuss playschool. Instead he spent the whole session doodling sections of Jian Yi's face, making little sketches of him from old memories and comparing them to what he could see in front of him.

He really hadn't changed a bit.

–

Bolstered by the enthusiasm oozing from Jian Yi, he had done something stupid, he could see that now. It was just the delight on his face as he proudly displayed the drawings, just like the children in his weekend class.

He hadn't planned to draw him, it just happened. He'd chosen such a large piece of paper because he was planning to start his final piece, the oval he drew was meant to be a portrait of Obama.

As he drew in the guidelines, he found himself making the proportions fit the other face in the room instead of the sketches in his book. He kept looking over to check the shape of his eyes (they were narrow, and just as pale as his hair), just how pointed that nose was (it actually had a squaring off he hadn't seen before, it wasn't a perfect V), and the depth of his lips (they were thin, but wide, and turned down in concentration).

His glasses slipped down his nose, and the concentration in his eyebrows was so pure, he had to quickly move the pencil to capture it, before it was lost forever.

He looked between the paper and the real thing, and somewhere he knew what he was doing was wrong. He had no idea he was drawing him, and it seemed like an invasion of a private moment. Could he quickly start something new?

'I think I'm done by the way.'

Too late. He'd just have to hope he got away with it.

–

After the messenger conversation, he felt so angry at Jian Yi's parents it was burning his throat. Were they even keeping an eye on him? Was he just living alone until his mother could be bothered coming back?

He felt a rush of affection for his own family unit, no matter how annoying they could be; he had both parents as well as an annoying little sister, and it seemed like Jian Yi had literally no one he could rely on.

He was careful not to push, even though he was desperate to know the details. He would tell him in his own time.

Hearing he didn't want any more lessons left a sinkhole in his chest he didn't really want to acknowledge for fear of what it meant. He hoped it was just because he'd wanted to know more about his family, and not because of the way those pale grey eyes made him feel when he occasionally made contact with them.

–

After another trip to the book shop, it became apparent that it wasn't somewhere Jian Yi often went at all. He'd found himself in town after art class again, and thought it might be worth a punt.

Seeing neither the bike nor the boy, he decided to go and get himself some food, and when he saw the blonde hair, he thought he must be hallucinating.

'Zhengxi! Hey!'

Definitely real. He walked over, trying to get his heartbeat under control. 'Jian Yi! What are you doing here?'

'I'm meeting friends. You?'

'Just on my way home after class.'

'Oh, of course. Hey, I never did ask; was that little girl's dad alright with her in the end?'

He nodded. 'Yeah his bark is worse than his bite, he just loves that kid.'

'Yeah, I'm sorry, I overreacted. I guess I was just remembering being left alone at school for hours cause Mum was late.'

Well, he was definitely too late to bring up their shared school life by now, so he feigned ignorance. 'She's always worked away?'

'No, that only started properly a couple of years ago, she waited until I was 16. But she's never been great at being there for me. Especially since Dad left.'

There was a sadness lurking in his eyes, but it was almost completely clouded by anger.

'Jian Yi, I'm sorry for bringing that up the other day. I didn't think.'

He picked at the skin on his thumb. 'It's ok. I just don't get on with my dad. I haven't seen him in about five years now. I don't like talking about him.'

'Did you look up Paolozzi?' he said, changing the subject.

The other boy looked up, and looking into those eyes now, he saw relief flooding in, removing the anger and sadness. Zhengxi's chest filled with warmth; he'd made that happen.

'You really like collages, eh?'

'Did you see the sculptures though, that's what I thought you might like.'

He unlocked his phone, and scrolled through the photo album, stopping on an image. He held up his phone so Zhengxi could see what was saved; it was a boxy metal sculpture, painted in primary colours, with one wheel at the base. 'The City of the Circle and the Square,' he stated.

He stared at the phone screen, and knew without doubt he was totally and utterly infatuated with the person holding it.

Suddenly it started ringing.

'Ah, hang on, sorry, I better get this.'

–

He was so bloody fascinating. He knew so much; every time he opened his mouth, he learned something knew, and a different layer was peeled back revealing another side of him.

As he'd leaned over to help with his drawing, he hoped he couldn't hear how loud his heart was thumping. The proximity of his arms to his torso was killing him; it would be so easy to wrap them around him, nuzzle his nose into the side of his face, breathe in the scent of whatever he washed his hair with that smelt so incredible.

Instead, he just limply drew a rose, and wished he was more courageous.

–

The riverbank had seemed a good idea. The room was stifling him, he had to be too close to Jian Yi, it was causing him to lose his mind too much.

The bench would be perfect; they wouldn't be facing each other, they could both look outwards at the landscape. It solved his problem, but didn't seem like avoidance.

Since when was the bench so short? He hadn't expected their legs to be almost touching. Predictably their hands brushed against each other by accident.

Everything was playing out like a romance novel, and he was powerless to stop it. He was even feeling little shocks any time they touched.

Fuck it. He'd roll with it. He squeezed his hand.

–

A family holiday. He didn't know if Jian Yi would have ever had one of those. He missed him, but was trying not to message him because... well, what reason would he have?

Friends didn't usually message each other saying they missed them just because they spent a week apart. He could ask him how the drawing was going? Maybe he could send a picture of some artwork he'd seen? That was seriously close to, 'I saw this and thought of you,' though, which seemed dangerous territory. He'd think a bit longer, see if anything more natural came to mind.

His phone buzzed. He was surprised to see it was him, and even more surprised to see him inviting him to his house.

–

He didn't think he'd ever been so nervous. He'd never been to this house when they were friends, and now he was going to see him, after two weeks apart.

He'd spent the week away trying not to imagine running his fingertips down the sides of his torso, moving them around to his back, dipping them under the waistband of the ridiculous underwear he'd seen poking above his trousers when his shirt lifted. He'd tried not to picture his eyelids fluttering closed, his lips parting to say his name ...

The image of him he'd built in his head couldn't possibly be matched by the real thing.

And yet, here he was, hair messily pushed back, licking crumbs from his lip, looking at him for too long to just be drawing him.

He knew he wasn't imagining the mutual attraction when he perched next to him; he could feel hungry eyes watching him as he pointed out his own mouth on the paper.

This was it.

They were looking at each other, leaning towards each other.

They both wanted this.

And if it wasn't for his fucking mother coming home, reminding him he _still_ hadn't told him they were old school friends, they would have both got what they wanted.

–

He'd finally done it.

It had gone badly, but how well could it have gone. He'd left it too late to have a rational conversation about their past friendship.

He'd wait for him to come round. He knew he would eventually, there was something incomplete lingering in the air, he wouldn't be able to ignore it.

–

It only took two days.

Here he was, in the classroom with him, sitting on a tiny chair, looking ridiculous, and yet so beautiful.

It was going to happen this time, he wouldn't let the moment pass. The consequences afterwards might be devastating, but he was too far up the ladder by now. He had to know what was at the top.

This time he would kiss him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case it's not obvious, this is Zhengxi's point of view of the other chapters.


	23. Saturday the 22nd continued

Their lips parted after a few seconds, but their eyes were still locked. 

'I'm sorry,' Zhengxi spoke first.

'It's ok,' he said, bringing his thumb up to rub the side of his neck, just below his ear. 

Zhengxi looked at his own hands as they rested in his lap. 

' I tried to ignore it. But...'

Jian Yi ran his thumb along his jawline, cupping the other's chin with curled fingers, lifting it upwards. Their eyes met, briefly, and then he was kissing him again. 

It was obvious that this wasn't the first time Zhengxi had kissed someone; he was hoping it wasn't as obvious that he never had himself. 

He was so conscious of his teeth. How did people keep them out of the way? He was cursing his earlier bravado touching Zhengxi's face, because now he was not sure when was the right time to stop doing that, would he be offended by moving his hand too early, should he move it down, touch his hair...

'Jian Yi? Do you not want to do this?' The kissing had stopped, although he hadn't really noticed, his mind was racing so fast. 

He finally stopped holding Zhengxi's face, and picked up his hands instead, holding them both between his own. 

'I've never done anything like this. With anyone. I'm sure you can tell from my lack of technique...'

'Oh I don't know, it wasn't that bad.'

Jian Yi ignored him, 'I've … been thinking about this too.'

'You seem distracted though ...'

'It's nothing but nerves, I promise.'

This time Zhengxi was first to move. His fingers threaded through blonde hair, tugging gently where it lay longer at the nape of his neck.

He leant in, pausing slightly before their lips met for a third time.

This time felt different; they were both less tentative, pressing against each other with more confidence than before. Their lips moved slowly, but not uncertainly, both finally sure that this was what they wanted. The hand not being held between Jian Yi's was still moving in his hair, so soft it felt like a kitten's.

He stopped kissing him, as an image of a cat one of the children had drawn that day swam into his mind. He watched as Jian Yi's mouth stopped moving seconds after he removed his lips, and his eyes finally opened, looking confused.

Overcome with affection, he pecked him on the nose. 'I'm suddenly very aware of where we both are.'

The chairs were so short, their knees were bent like grasshoppers, and they laughed as he bent his forehead to meet Zhengxi's.

'Yeah it's probably not the right place to be doing this.'

'I got caught once before kissing a girl in here, I don't want them to think I make a habit of it.'

Jian Yi dropped his hand. He already knew he wasn't his first kiss, but hearing it out loud was still a shock; the fact it was a girl felt like he'd been punched so hard, all the air had left his lungs.

There had been a girl? Maybe more than one?

'Three,' Zhengxi said quietly, 'I've kissed three girls. One in here, one in...'

'You don't need to tell me...'

'...the playground at primary school,' he carried on, picking up his hand, and kissing the wrist, 'and one at home, in my room.'

'I said you didn't need to.'

'Yes, but you're an idiot, and you'll just drive yourself crazy imagining things.'

He stood up, pulling on the hand he still held, and gathered Jian Yi into his body. He cupped the back of his head, gently pushing it down to his chest, and smoothing down the soft hair. He felt hands moving upwards, grabbing at the cloth of his shirt around his shoulder blades.

'Come on, Mao, let's get you some coffee.'

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mao is Chinese for cat. I wanted a nickname for Jian Yi, so after he was talking about his hair, I just decided on Mao. I toyed with Xiao Mao which is kitten. 
> 
> I chose Zhengxi to focus on his kitten hair because of Itoshi No Nekokke, a wonderful manga I highly recommend if you like cute, slow burns about childhood friends.


	24. Saturday the 22nd (part 3)

They cycled back to the cafe they went to before. The ride gave Jian Yi time to think, the roads were too busy for him to do anything other than ride behind Zhengxi.

He should have been concentrating on the fact he'd had his first kiss, and more importantly that things were sorted between the two of them. He was trying to focus on cementing the memory of what had happened; recalling the feel of Zhengxi's skin as he held his face, the way his eyes had glimmered, his scent as he'd held him.

But the number 'three' just kept coming back to him.

The booth they'd sat at before was empty, so they took the same seats, and coincidentally the same waitress came over, taking the same order for coffee; Jian Yi found the familiarity calming, but there was still a lingering unease which his companion didn't seem to share at all.

Zhengxi moved the menu so that it stood on the outer edge of the table, shielding most of their table from view. He put his right hand out on the surface, just behind the menu, and made a small beckoning signal by curling his fingers around. It took a minute for Jian Yi to understand, but once he did, he put his own arm on the table, so their fingers were just barely touching. They both made slight movements against each other, moving further apart when the waitress returned. As soon as she left again, they moved back together, this time intertwining, thumbs circling around each other's.

He was looking down watching their hands, and noticed the tattoo again on Zhengxi's thumb. He rubbed his thumb on it, and said, 'How did you manage to get it? We're under-age.'

'I got it last year on holiday. I just pretended to be 18.' He brought his other hand up to the table, so Jian Yi's hand was sandwiched between them. 'So, let's get this out of the way.'

'What's that?'

'You're brooding about the girls.'

'I don't want to talk about it. It's fine.'

He squeezed his hand. 'No it isn't. Look, I listened when you wouldn't talk about your parents, cause that's not my business. This right here? It _is_. And we're talking about it.'

Jian Yi tried to pull his hand away, but the other hands surrounding it gripped tighter. He looked up at Zhengxi, seeing his face was serious, and gave in. 'Ok, I'll listen.'

'So, I've kissed three girls. One doesn't really count, I was about 9. The girl I kissed in the classroom, she sometimes used to come and pick up her little sister. We got talking, went out a couple of time, nothing serious. I kissed her one time she picked up her sister, just on the cheek, and got a black mark against me for that.'

'What about the other one?'

'That one was a bit more serious. We went out for about three months. We were allowed to spend time together. In my room.' He looked down at his hands. 'We never went the whole way, don't get me wrong, but we did... stuff.'

'Oh.' Jian Yi also looked down, feeling his lip trembling.

'Mao, it was _nothing_ like this. I won't lie, it was fun, but we didn't go any further because I didn't want to enough.' He was still holding his hand between his own, and brought it up to his lips, kissing a knuckle.

'Xixi! People are going to see.'

'I don't care. I only put that menu there for your sake. I'm not ashamed of who I am. I really like you, not just for the conversations, or spending time together,' he lowered his voice, 'You turn me on so much.'

'That whole sentence seems back to front,' he smiled at him from under his eyelashes, 'Aren't you meant to say you love my mind, not just my body?'

Zhengxi moved forward in his seat, and shifted his leg so he could rub his knee against the other boy's. He felt a small squeeze on his knee from the hand he wasn't holding, and his voice was raspy as he said, 'I like the whole package.'

He cleared his throat, and Jian Yi moved his hand from underneath the table to pick up his coffee and take a drink. He smiled shyly at him, and they both laughed nervously.

'I get it. I'm just as good as those girls.'

He sighed in exasperation. 'You're still not getting it. You are so far above them, in every way. If this table wasn't in the way...'

'Ok, ok! Xixi, I promise I will try, but this is all new to me.' As if to prove his determination, he stood up slightly, leaned forwards and gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek.

'Will you try not to call me Xixi as well?'

'That depends. Are you going to carry on calling me Mao?'

He kissed his hand again. 'Probably.'

 


	25. Monday the 24th

 

'I'm thinking of talking to trade's description about you.'

Zhengxi stopped kissing him. 'Why?'

'I'm not learning a thing here.'

Jian Yi's closed his eyes, and turned his head to feel the warm palm against his cheek. They'd decided to move all future drawing lessons to his house, with the added bonus that this week his mum was away again, and they had the house to themselves.

It hadn't taken long for the chatting while sitting at the desk, to turn into flirting while practically seated in the same chair, after which they'd given up all pretence, and just sat on the bed together.

'I told you before, drawing is all about trying different things.' Zhengxi smirked at him, winding one arm around his waist, the other holding the back of his head. Jian Yi allowed himself to be lowered onto the bed, as their kissing became more urgent. Eventually, after a peck, his lips parted, allowing in the tip of a tongue.

When he'd first heard about French kissing, he'd thought it sounded disgusting, and he wondered how it wouldn't make him feel like he was going to be sick. Right now, he only felt sick from worrying he was doing it right. He'd imagined flat tongues limply pressing against each other, but their tongues were entwining, massaging each other, until he was humming in appreciation.

Zhengxi's tongue moved to lick his top lip, with so little force he could barely feel it, and yet he felt the heat it caused to pool within him. He responded only with a small gasp, causing the other boy to smile.

'You have really sensitive lips,' he murmured, moving to kiss at the corners of his mouth.

'I'm sure they're no worse than anyone else's.'

'Oh, but they are,' he breathed, moving towards the bottom lip. He flicked it with the very tip of his tongue. 'See here? I'm hardly touching you, and you're panting.' He tugged slightly, holding the lip softly between his teeth.

He didn't want to admit how right he was, and with a sinking feeling, Jian Yi realised he was getting hard. This was too embarrassing; he was almost 18, and this was giving him an erection?

He couldn't allow himself to be found out, it would be too pathetic. He pushed at Zhengxi's chest, sitting up at the same time.

'Stop it,' he snapped, turning away to hide his shame, 'Stop treating me like a freak!'

The warm hands, that had dropped from his hair when he sat up, now moved to his shoulders, and his eyes started to close again as he felt the circling of thumbs in the muscle along the blades.

He spoke as gently as he could, 'I wasn't.'

'You're making me feel abnormal. I can't help it.'

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. It's just... no one else I've kissed before has reacted that way.'

This stung more than the throb in his underwear. He spoke so quietly Zhengxi had to strain to hear. 'Because they were all girls...'

The hands that had started wandering stopped, and were removed. He stood up, folding his arms, severing all contact. Jian Yi, feeling suddenly barren, finally looked up at his face properly.

'That's such bullshit, I can't even be bothered to argue with you.' The voice was cold, bringing a chill to the air.

His eyes had taken on a hardness Jian Yi didn't recognise. He looked like the bully he'd always imagined he was all those weeks ago, when he'd been hanging around the gates outside. His thick eyebrows were pulled into a scowl above his nose, and the lightness he'd seen as he breathed happily against his face a few moments ago had all but evaporated.

'Xixi...?'

'Don't call me that! I can't even look at you,' he spat, turning away, and walking out of the room. He heard the front door slamming.

Jian Yi was left alone in his bedroom, a hard-on withering in his boxers, and tears brimming in his eyes.


	26. Friday the 28th

'Jian Yi! Your friend is here!'

His mum was shouting from the front door, but he buried his head back under the pillow. He heard a knock on his bedroom door.

'I don't remember saying yes to visitors!' he shouted back, getting up and unlocking the door. He'd thrown himself back on the bed before Mo Guan Shan had even fully opened it.

'Alright loser?' he asked, putting two beers onto the desk.

'Why are you here?'

He sat down on the edge of the bed. 'We were worried about you.'

'Oh, were “we”, how nice.'

Mo Guan Shan sighed. 'You always get like this when something is really wrong. I haven't seen this side of you since you last saw your dad.'

'Don't...' he sat up abruptly, turning on the bed to face his friend. His face was drawn, and his eyes puffy, his thin hair tucked behind his ears with grease.

'Fucking hell. When did you last shower?'

'Why are you here?' he asked again.

'I know it's the school holidays, but you usually keep in touch through messages. Neither of us have heard from you in days.'

'I've been busy...' he picked up a comic and started flipping through it.

'Your mum says you've been in here since Monday. Since your last lesson.'

'Not like her to notice...'

'She said Zhan Zhengxi has been coming here the last couple of times.'

He threw down the comic, and raised his voice. 'What is this? What are you hinting at?'

'Jesus, Jian Yi, stop shouting at me! What the fuck is wrong with you?'

'I think I'm gay, ok!'

The words reverberated around his room. He put a hand over his mouth, as if trying to stop any more coming out, and quickly looked towards the door, somehow hoping to be able to tell if his mum heard.

Mo Guan Shan put a hand on top of his, and gave him a small smile. 'Finally.'

'Sorry?'

'I said _finally_.'

He started getting angry again, 'Oh I see, you've all decided I'm gay have you? Been talking about it behind my back, about how I'm queer.'

'Well, me and He Tian certainly have.'

'I guessed as much. You bastards.'

'So did you buy a book about it yet?'

'Just fuck off.'

Mo Guan Shan stood up, but he didn't leave, just went over to pick up his drink. He kept an eye on Jian Yi as he took a slug, and then took in a deep breath.

'We've been dating for 4 months.'

'Who has?'

Mo Guan Shan laughed. 'Who do you think, dickhead? Me and He Tian.'

'Eh?'

He sighed again. 'Look, this will go much quicker if you just let me talk. Drink your beer.'

He passed the other can to Jian Yi, and sat next to him. They both took a swallow. He looked sideways to see Mo Guan Shan furrowing his brows, and immediately felt bad for shouting at him. He put a hand on his shoulder, and smiled his encouragement when he looked up.

'Tell me as much or as little as you want.'

'Well, to be honest, that's pretty much it. We're dating, and happy about it. It wasn't a secret or anything, we just... wanted to be sure. We've been talking about coming out to our parents. Obviously he's already out at school, just not at home yet. I would have still told you first.'

He smiled back at Jian Yi, who was genuinely touched.

'I was going to a few weeks ago. But then this whole thing with cardigan boy...'

'Zhengxi'

'...Zhengxi started. It seemed so obvious to us why he was hanging around, he'd been asking people about you.'

'He'd what?' Jian Yi was back to shouting.

'Well, he asked people about a blonde kid with glasses, and described you basically.'

'Why didn't you tell me?'

'You were already paranoid about it! I didn't want to make it worse.' He looked down at the beer can. 'You thought he wanted to beat you up. The idea of him liking you in any other way didn't seem like something you even considered, even knowing He Tian, you never thought this boy might be attracted to you.'

'When did you realise it was that kind of liking?'

'When we bumped into him that day in town. It was so obvious! But then you were clueless about me and He Tian, so obviously you're just blind to it...'

'How was he obvious?'

'...I mean when we were all studying, we held hands and touched each other all the time, I think we would have had to literally have our tongues down each other's throats in the middle of the library for you to notice there was anything between us...' His eyes drifted away, and he sighed.

'Hey,' he clicked his fingers in front of his face, 'concentrate. What did he do that made it obvious?'

'It was just the way he looked at you when you were looking away. I'm surprised you never saw it, but you know, you've never been good at eye contact.'

Jian Yi grabbed the sleeve of his shirt. 'Show me.'

'What?'

'Show me the face he pulled.' He didn't know why, but he really needed to know what it looked like.

'You're such a loser, I'm not going to try and pull that face! It was just, I don't know. Just like he couldn't believe you were there, or maybe that you were there with him. Something like luck?'

He picked at the ringpull, flicking it back against the can. He was such an idiot. Zhengxi had told him how long he'd been feeling like this, and he'd focused only on the fact he wasn't his first. So what?

Just because he wasn't first, it didn't mean he would care less. If anything, he obviously cared more. This way clearly wasn't an easy way out, he could see from how nervous Mo Guan Shan was about sharing this part of his life with him, and with his family when the time came.

He'd told him, in no uncertain way, he enjoyed being with him, that he found him attractive, and that he wasn't ashamed to be with him. What more could he possibly want?

There was only one thing he could do; he'd go and apologise to Zhengxi in the morning, and just hope he would listen to him.

He looked at his friend, and this time his smile was wider and more genuine. 'I'm so lucky to have you in my life, Mo Guan Shan.'

He smiled back, with as much affection. 'You're not alone, Jian Yi. Remember that.'

 


	27. Saturday the 29th

Zhengxi was in the usual classroom, quietly splaying brushes underneath running water. He looked so focused, working with the same diligence on these fat, stubby paintbrushes as he did his own sable watercolour ones. He had a gentle light in his eyes, and he chuckled, no doubt remembering something that happened during the lesson.

Jian Yi's breath caught in his throat, and his gaze moved to his hands. Slender, paint splattered fingers, rubbing through the bristles to disperse the paint. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other, as he scraped at a stubborn spot of paint.

He suddenly had an image flash through his mind; a small boy, holding his hand under running water, wiping away the blood seeping out of a tiny cut. He remembered he had looked up at that brown haired boy, and felt cared for. Someone in this world didn't want him to hurt, was trying to soothe him.

It happened all the time at playschool, any time he got into trouble. A series of events streamed through his brain; he lost his glove, a boy called him names, he cut his leg on a tree, he lost a game of tag. There every time was Xixi, telling him it would be ok, nursing him through it, sticking up for him.

He found his vision going bleary. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten him until now. That he'd almost talked himself out of being happy he was back in his life.

He couldn't believe what a fuss he'd made about the old girlfriends, and he was ashamed.

Zhengxi sensed he was being watched, looked up, and went back to what he was doing. It wasn't like before, when he'd walked out of the cafe just after being given the photograph. That time, he'd known Jian Yi would be shocked, had expected him to run away, but just waited for him to come to terms at his own pace.

He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he hadn't realised how little confidence Jian Yi had in himself. This thing with the girls he'd kissed was ridiculous. There were only three, two since puberty, not enough to really build a preference; it wasn't like he was going to run off with a woman once he realised Jian Yi had stubble and a flat chest.

He saw him move out of the corner of his eye, but kept looking at the brushes. A weight flung itself against his back, and suddenly arms were snaking around him.

'Xixi,' he spoke into the nape of his neck, 'I'm such a fucking idiot.'

He dropped the brushes into the sink, and lifted the hands from around his waist.

Jian Yi wasn't going to give up; he took hold of his shoulders, and turned him round. His hands stayed against him, bunching the fabric of his shirt inside fists.

He begged, tears falling down his face, 'Please, don't leave me again.'

Zhengxi lifted one of the fists away from his clothes, grabbed him around the wrist, and walked towards the exit. As he dragged the other boy behind him, making questioning noises, he found the door he was looking for; the equipment room.

He opened the door, and yanked him inside, pushing him further into the room as he finally let go. Then he turned, and pushed a nearby box of volleyballs in front of it, pulling the handle to check. No one else was getting in.

Striding over towards Jian Yi, he could see the confusion in his face. He loomed over him, never taking his eyes off him.

Suddenly, he pushed him backwards, and his knees bent as the back of his legs touched something hard. As he was still being towered over, he put his hands out behind him, preparing himself.

He was pushed down by a hand on his chest, until his hips made contact with the pile of gym mats. Zhengxi's legs straddled one of his, the knee inbetween raising to brush against the tent of his trousers.

Jian Yi gasped, finally realising he wasn't in any danger, not of anything bad. There had been a split second where he'd thought he might be getting a thrashing for the first time in years, but mainly he'd been worrying that he'd made too many mistakes, and he'd be left without Xixi again.

Any lingering doubt left his mind when his shirt was pulled open, and Zhengxi dipped his head to lick along his clavicle. He nibbled upwards along the prominent muscle in his neck, working his way towards his jaw. He ran his teeth lightly along the stubble that grew there, until swiping his tongue across his top lip, where he knew he was most sensitive.

'Do you really still think I'd rather be with a woman?'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are uncomfortable reading sex scenes, skip the next chapter, and go straight to chapter 29 - you won't miss any plot at all (I've written it like this on purpose for people who just want fluff)


	28. Saturday the 29th (continued)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is your warning - this is a sex scene without any plot, go to the next chapter if you don't want any sex.
> 
> Guest chapter by [incorrect19days](http://incorrect19days.tumblr.com/) who is an incredible human being. I asked for a fluffy sex scene, she delivered this, and I love her for it. She even remembered all my favourite things.

‘Well...it does seem more convenient, considering....’

Zhengxi’s lips twitched as he tried not to smile.

‘You, Jian Yi…’ The other boy began, leaning over him.

‘Are worth…’ He stroked the side of Jian Yi’s face gently..

‘Any inconvenience you could cause.’

Jian Yi smiled, tilting his face up for a kiss.

Zhengxi pressed their lips together softly, humming in satisfaction as Jian Yi pulled him closer with a hand on the back of his neck and slid the other under his shirt.

Needing no more prompting, the brunette stood and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it onto the mat next to Jian Yi.

Oh, for fucks sake.

‘What’s wrong?’ Zhengxi asked, looking down; wondering if he’d spilled something on himself and hadn’t noticed.

Jian Yi hadn’t realized he’d been gawking like an idiot.

‘Oh...nothing.’

‘Seriously?’

‘You’re just...fucking flawless.’

Zhengxi laughed, rolling his eyes.

‘Yeah, alright.’

He wanted to argue his point, but realized Zhengxi was looking at him the same way.

Fighting his nervousness, he removed his own shirt.

Without hesitation, Zhengxi straddled his lap, going straight for his neck this time as Jian Yi gripped his hip with one hand, boldly placing the other on his thigh.

Slowly, he worked his way from gentle kisses and soft licks to scraping his teeth over the sensitive skin.

Jian Yi groaned, much louder than he’d planned, and felt Zhengxi huff out a laugh when goosebumps erupted over his skin.

Zhengxi nipped at the skin of his throat eliciting a soft yelp from the blonde as he dug his fingers into the other boy's hips, twisting his fingers in the belt loops of his jeans, yanking him closer and pushing his hips up.

Zhengxi broke away, sitting back to look at Jian Yi.

‘You have no idea how fucking hot you are, do you?’

Jian Yi opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t seem to find the words.

The dark haired boy stood again, promptly sinking to his knees between Jian Yi’s legs.

Whoa.

‘You don’t have to…’

Zhengxi shushed him, beginning to unbuckle his belt.

The slight tremor in Zhengxi’s hands put Jian Yi a bit more at ease.

He was nervous too.

Jian Yi closed his eyes as Zhengxi worked his jeans down his thighs, letting them pool on the floor around his ankles.

If he’d been watching, he would have seen the way the dark haired boy flushed and licked his lips as he, finally, got Jian Yi exactly where he wanted him.

Placing a kiss to the inside of his knee, he rubbed his hands up and down his thighs, telling himself to go slow, to work up to it.

Agonizingly slowly, he kissed up his thigh until Jian Yi was all but vibrating with tension.

He pulled back.

‘Jian Yi.’

Zhengxi waited for Jian Yi to open his eyes.

‘Relax, let me make you feel good.’

Jian Yi could have come at the very sight of Zhengxi between his thighs, looking at him like that.

He nodded.

Zhengxi repeated his previous actions on Jian Yi’s other thigh, finally confident that’d he’d unwound enough.

The boy on his knees experimentally nipped at the soft skin of his inner thigh.

Jian Yi’s instinct was to close his legs but Zhengxi gently kept them spread, repeating his action as Jian Yi’s hands flew to his shoulders.

That was all the encouragement he needed.

He sank his teeth into the soft skin, shifting uncomfortably as the sounds Jian Yi was making went straight to his painful erection.

Swiping his tongue over the reddened skin, he reached between his own legs, unbuttoning his jeans to relieve a bit of the pressure.

He wrapped his fingers around his cock as well as the tight fabric would allow and groaned.

It took more self control than anything to move his hand back up to Jian Yi, gently rubbing circles on the soft skin on his thigh.

Twice more, he left bruising marks on his perfect skin.

Jian Yi had dropped his head against the wall, eyes squeezed shut.

Satisfied with how perfectly wrecked he looked, he let himself indulge.

Taking Jian in hand, he flicked his tongue experimentally over the skin underneath his the head.

Jian Yi gasped loudly, clapping a hand to his mouth and moving the other to the back of Zhengxi’s head.

Zhengxi smiled, applying more pressure this time.

He could tell Jian Yi was trying very hard to keep his hips still.

He took the head of his cock into his mouth, applying a small amount of suction before pulling away again.

Jian Yi groaned.

Nothing had ever been more beautiful than the way Jian Yi came apart.

Red in the face, legs shaking, desperate little sounds escaping his lips.

Jesus fucking Christ, this boy would be the death of him.

Zhengxi placed opened mouthed kisses up and down his shaft before taking him into his mouth again, bobbing his head up and down trying to concentrate on using his tongue as he moved.

This was not as easy as it looked.

‘S-stop.’ Jian Yi whispered.

He pulled back immediately, looking up at the other boy, concerned.

‘What’s wrong?’

‘I…’ He looked suddenly embarrassed.

‘What, Jian Yi?’

‘I want to kiss you.’

Zhengxi sighed in relief, pushing himself up on shaking legs and sinking down onto the mat.

He sat on the edge of the mat, and waited.

Jian Yi stood, stepping out of his shoes and jeans, leaving him completely bare save the unbuttoned shirt that had slipped from his shoulder.

Zhengxi removed the rest of his clothing as quickly as he could, nearly tumbling to the floor in his haste.

Jian Yi took the lead this time, straddling his lap and leaning forward to kiss him, exhaling shakily as their lips touched and the boy underneath him immediately deepened the kiss, pulling Jian Yi down onto his lap and stifling a moan when their cocks touched.

Unwilling to wait another god damned second, Zhengxi anchored his hips and thrust his own up roughly, wrapped his fingers around the both of them.

Jian Yi was frozen for a moment, looking between them in shock.

It would have been funny if he’d been able to process anything but painful desire.

‘You ok, Jian Yi?’

He nodded feverently, looking up again, Zhengxi’s desperation mirrored in his eyes.

They found a clumsy rhythm, moving steadily faster.

Zhengxi ran his tongue over Jian Yi’s lips.

Jian Yi caught it, sucking gently, pulling a loud, needy groan from the other boy.

Their kiss devolved into panting into the other’s mouth, tongues sliding together lazily.

Heat pooling in his stomach, Zhengxi began to see stars.

He sped up, hoping they could finish at the same time.

‘Xixi, I-I’m going to…’

Zhengxi pulled him in by the back of the neck, kissing him roughly.

They finished seconds apart, both laughing breathlessly.

Ignoring the mess, Zhengxi pulled the other boy to his chest, holding him tightly as they both came down.

‘I bet you never got caught doing this with some girl.’

Zhengxi kissed his cheek lightly.

‘Certainly not.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [incorrect19days](http://incorrect19days.tumblr.com/) for writing the sex scene for me.


	29. Saturday the 29th (part 3)

He brushed Jian Yi's hair out of his eyes as he looked down at him. His head was resting on his bicep, their hands intertwined. He felt his lips press against his forehead, with the gentlest of touches.

'You are phenomenally beautiful, Jian Yi.'

'I would argue that I'd rather be handsome, but I don't want to start another fight.'

He stretched his legs contentedly as his ankles hung off the edge of the pile of gym mats. Zhengxi bent down and pulled his coat over the two of them. It barely covered either of them, but the college was still technically open, and he was worried someone would catch them lying naked in a large cupboard. 

'I've been thinking about doing that for a while.'

'Sex in the equipment room?'

He punched his arm. 'Sex with you, tosser.'

'I'm not going to pretend I'm surprised.'

'Oh?'

'Well, you're always telling me how great I am, of course you wanted to tap me.'

He moved a hand to his waist and squeezed. 'You're finally listening to me?'

He giggled. 'Well eventually some of it had to stick.'

He tilted his head upwards for a kiss, and wasn't disappointed. He rested his head against Zhengxi's neck, as he lazily fingered his hair.

He'd expected to feel more embarrassed, but everything had been so natural, there was no room for remorse. He'd looked at him with such barely concealed lust it was easy to be bold in return. His body seemed to fuel the other boy's desire in ways he couldn't understand; his pale skin with prominent bones, against the other's lithe muscular strength, just seemed laughable.

And yet... he'd been the one to drag him in there, take him in his mouth, with devotion bordering on the desperate.

'Mao? Are you ok?'

'Absolutely. You?'

'I'm feeling great, but I am very aware again that I'm at my workplace, and how little clothing I have on.'

'Just two more minutes,' he protested, snuggled in closer. His legs still felt a little weak.

Zhengxi ran his fingers down the side of his neck, inspecting the marks he'd left behind. 'Do you want to come to my place after this?'

'Won't your parents be home?'

'Is it a problem if they are?'

He thought about it. It wouldn't be the first time he'd been a guest at the Zhans, but he hadn't been there in over 10 years. 'What will you say about me?'

He lifted his chin, looked him straight in the eyes, and spoke simply. 'I'll introduce you as my boyfriend.' He kissed his cheek. 'Is that ok?'

He felt a blush creeping, and realised he liked the sound of that. He nodded, smiling shyly, and kissed him back on the lips.

Anxiety started to rear its head again, as he said, 'I'm not sure I can do the same with my Mum. Not just yet.'

'That's fine, whenever you're ready.'

'He Tian and Mo Guan Shan already know.'

'I know. And I know about them.'

He looked at him in shock. 'How?'

There's an easiness in their actions with each other, even though they never touch. They have a kind of language of their own.'

'I didn't know,' he said, ashamed.

'You've known them too long to notice. Don't feel bad.'

He had an unnerving way of cutting through the mist Jian Yi surrounded himself with. He didn't have to explain himself. Zhengxi just accepted the way he was feeling, without question, and accommodated him.

He tightened his arms around him in gratitude, burrowing his forehead into him.

'What did I do to deserve you?'

He pulled away from him, gripping his face between his hands, and spoke earnestly. 'You have no idea how special you are, and that's part of your appeal.'

He kissed him and smiled. 'Let's get dressed and go and embarrass your sister with some PDA.'

 


	30. Tuesday the 2nd

The librarian looked up for the third time. 'This is your final warning, you three, I had enough last year. Stop mucking about!'

'That's what I keep saying! Don't lump me in with them,' Jian Yi said from his desk where he was sitting with a pile of books.

'How have you got books already, it's the first day of term?' He Tian tutted.

'It's Jian Yi, of _course_ he has books.' Mo Guan Shan was sitting on his boyfriend's knee, and although she couldn't see them, their giggling was the reason the librarian was so annoyed.

'Will you two give up? Just because I know about it, doesn't mean I want to see it.'

He hopped off and back into a seat, and they both mumbled apologies while holding hands and trying not to laugh.

'We're trying to keep our hands off each other, but it's just too much like hard work,' said He Tian, moving his hands to squeeze the other boy's waist, and got a slight slap in reply.

'Stop it, or she'll kick us all out.'

Jian Yi tutted and turned away, looking out of the window. He caught sight of a familiar green by the gate. There he was again, smoking a cigarette, and waiting for him, just like he had all those weeks ago.

He couldn't hold back a smile.

'I don't even need to ask who's out there.'

'Oh, who could it be?' Mo Guan Shan was tapping his fingers to his chin, mocking him. 'Could it be your tutor?'

'He's not my tutor,' he said, grinning at them and gathering up his books, 'He's my boyfriend.'

–

The three of them walked over, waving to him. Zhengxi stubbed out the cigarette, and walked up, with his arms out, pulling Jian Yi into a hug. He bent down slightly to kiss him, moving a hand to the back of his head. Jian Yi responded by slipping his hands into the other's back pockets, and squeezing.

'Hey! Just because we know about it, doesn't mean we want to see it,' He Tian said, mimicking his earlier complaint.

'Huh?' Zhengxi stopped kissing him, and raised an eyebrow.

'Oh I had to watch them tickling each other in the bloody library, I told them to give it a rest.'

'Such a hypocrite.'

As they walked away from the school gate, the two of them hung back, letting He Tian and Mo Guan Shan walk ahead of them. They watched as their swinging hands brushed slightly against each other, and they moved apart slightly self consciously.

'Look, they're really trying not to touch each other now,' Zhang Zhengxi said, turning to his boyfriend. 'Does that mean we have to stop as well?'

He felt an arm around his waist, pulling him to the left, just before a soft peck on his lips. He blushed as a hand lingered on his hip, as Jian Yi leaned sideways, whispering right into his ear.

'Too much like hard work.'

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone!
> 
> I'm going to be doing some one shots and carrying on this story, because I've fallen in love with these four.


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